Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
some individuals claim that life
until the age
of 7 years old influences people most of all, others, however
, believe that the school years are the most influential period of life
, which brings a significant effect, which I firmly agree with.
On the one hand, the early period of life
is quite important in terms of individual shaping. Firstly
, self-estimation, which determines such
things as self-confidence can be formed only at a young age
. The stable
self-confidence helps to take complicated acts and lead them to the end. Correct article usage
Stable
Therefore
, self-confidence is closely correlated with life
success. As a result
, psychological stability and trust in the world grow at a young age
as well. Secondly
, the model of family relationships can be discovered at an early age
. This
model child carries through the whole life
and personal happiness will be determined by this
child's experience.
Despite the importance of childhood experience, I see that the youthful
is a more important period of Replace the word
youth
life
. Firstly
, at the adolescent age
person learns how to make decisions. Moreover
, every action has consequences, which is why Correct article usage
the juvenal
juvenal
uses to take personal responsibility for maiden decisions. Correct your spelling
juvenile
In other words
, teenager prepares to cope with difficulties in an adult life
. Secondly
, in
Change preposition
at
this
age
Add a comma
,
For example
, if the correct decision wasn't made exactly at this
age
, a person would never be able to be a doctor or a good programmer. That is
why the age
from 12 to 18 has the greatest impact in terms of personal destiny.
To sum up
, while
some people insist that there is nothing more important than childhood in a perspective of influence on a future life
, it is clear that
the most significant things in terms of life
impact, such
as personal responsibility, decision making and skills-training can be obtained only in adolescence.Submitted by tarasovnn on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise the essay adequately. The introductory paragraph should provide a clearer framework for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structuring by providing clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Main points need more development with relevant examples and explanations to better support the arguments presented.
task achievement
Address the task directly, ensuring all parts of the prompt are responded to comprehensively. Reflect directly on both viewpoints before presenting your opinion.
task achievement
Ideas should be expanded further for clarity and depth. Strive to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic with detailed examples.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to validate arguments. Vague statements should be avoided; prefer concrete evidence that clearly supports the points made.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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