IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the Internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#business #meetings #place #internet #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
people
 developed online business training that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 taken place on the internet. A lot of
people
 found it useful. Because they do not even need to waste their
time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 flights or to go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 place where
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are going to teach.
However
, it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
dark
Add an article
a dark
show examples
 side. You can not feel the atmosphere or energy of training. The advantages of online meetings. It is you are going to save your
time
. Because your telephone or gadgets are always with you and you can open it and join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lesson even if you are outside
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 your house.
For example
, the students from California discovered that
people
 who rather online lessons
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 offline. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always attend to
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
 at
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 that
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 told. And
people
 who rather offline meetings. They can be late in the third or fifth
time
.
However
, online
attendings
Correct your spelling
attending
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not give you
feeling
Correct article usage
the feeling
show examples
 and energy that
gives
Verb problem
apply
show examples
offline
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
.
Add a missing verb
do.
show examples
 It is because of eye contact, real voices,
attenders
Correct your spelling
attendees
show examples
,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and friends. When you are online you are all alone and may be in
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
 meeting no one is going to mention you and nobody is going to see you there.
For example
, when you are surrounded by students and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
. You can see them and make eye contact to catch their attention and talk with them or
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 touch their hands to say hello and you feel the atmosphere of
lesson
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
show examples
. In conclusion, online teaching can protect you from running out
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
time
. Because of devices. But it can
also
may
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
take from
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 lesson's vibe. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
no one is
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 you.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question. Present a balanced argument by exploring both advantages and disadvantages equally and answer the question precisely about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, structure your essay into clear paragraphs. Introduce each idea with a topic sentence, then elaborate on that idea, and finally, offer a concluding sentence to sum it up.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a range of linking words for fluidity. Also, make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your main points, and make sure they are fully developed and relevant to the topic. Avoid being vague.
Coherence & Cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and aim for a good range of vocabulary. Errors can make the argument hard to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: