The charts below give information about children under 18learjing musical instruments in one region of the UK in 1996 and 2016.

The charts below give information about children under 18learjing musical instruments in one region of the UK in 1996 and 2016.
The pie chart given compares
between
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apply
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children who learned musical
instrument
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instruments
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and
who
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those who
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did not,
while
the bar chart elaborates
which
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on which
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instrument they played. Both of the data are in the year 1996 and 2016. The thing that pops up the most is how musical
player
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players
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were much
dominating
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more dominating
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in 2016
to compare
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compared
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with the previous year where it was only 44% of the
populations
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population
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. More than that, the number in 2016 was
also
more diverse where there was almost
threefold
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a threefold
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of
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difference when the ones who never learned
instrument
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an instrument
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was only 24%.
On the other hand
, the pie in 1996 showed the total of individuals almost equal
on
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in
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choosing
wether
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whether
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they learn music or not where there was only
12
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a 12
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%
of
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difference between each
numbers
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number
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. The chart examines children's preference
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for
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on
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for
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apply
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the
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music instrumental on both years. Based on the data, there was a contrast in 1996 where the children chose to play
piano
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the piano
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rather than a keyboard like
the
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apply
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most of the population in 2016.
Furthermore
, there was
also
similarity
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a similarity
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where in
the
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apply
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both years approximately 10 people loved to play more than one
music
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musical
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instruments
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instrument
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. More than that, it is
also
known that there were still some child
musician
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musicians
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who played other tools that were not mentioned in the data.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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