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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.
#line #visits #australia #residents #information #country #origin #visitors
The chart given examines the graphic of the total overseas
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 who came to Australia,
while
 the table explains the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
countries
Change preposition
to countries
show examples
 originally. Both of
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
 compares the same
years
, which are in 1975 and 2005. Based on the chart, there is one thing that pops up the most where there was a significant increase in 30
years
. It was started in 1975, or the lowest number,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 there were only 10
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to Australia.
Furthermore
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
years
 later, which is 1985, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 approximately 15
million
 residents
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 almost 10 more
million
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 in 1995. More than that, the data
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 stated its peak in 2005
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 there were 30
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the region. Regarding
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the table, most of the population
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
likely came from the
east
Capitalize word
East
show examples
asia
Correct your spelling
Asian
 countries for both
years
. The topmost
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 for each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
 were coming from Japan with 12
million
 visitors in 2005 and 3.2
million
 in the
earlier
Correct word choice
previous
show examples
 year.
Moreover
, South
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
 individuals were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the second highest where the total number of residents for both
years
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2.9 and 91.
million
.
However
, when most of the numbers were more than twofold
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
differences,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of China only showed
0.5
Correct article usage
a 0.5
show examples
 contrast between 1975 and 2005.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼

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