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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way of motivating workers is to offer them performance-based pay packets. Do you agree or disagree?

#workers #offer #packets
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Actually, for me as a worker, having an appropriate salary is more important than performance-based payments. But I know that these kind of benefits is a significant item for some of my coworkers to choose their jobs. I think in some cases
workers
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 can be motivated by the performance-based packages but in others, these kinds of payments would cause conflict between
workers
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 and employers.
Initially
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, with a superficial look, performance-based bonuses can motivate
workers
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 to do their tasks
as well as
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 they can,
also
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 it would help a
company
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 to achieve its strategic goals faster, like a win-win agreement.
however
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 with a deeper look at
this
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 issue, it may
also
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make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 some problems,
for example
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, the rivalry between colleagues would increase and in the short term
this
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 is brilliant,
also
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 the
in
Change preposition
apply
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long term
workers
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 will get burned out.
accordingly
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, the
employees
Change the noun form
employee
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 turnover will rise.
Secondly
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, in a united
company
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,where the types of jobs are similar, having
this
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 kind of payment can be helpful because employees will act like a team and each person wants to improve his or her efficiency to get more pay packets, so they would add value to the
company
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.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, in multitasking companies, these kinds of benefits conflict with what they had in their mind before, because you can never please everyone,
there
Correct word choice
and there
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 always be lots of dissatisfaction with what they have been paid. As a conclusion, studies have shown benefits will have a serious impact on employee's interest in a
company
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. sometimes performance-based offers not only will make a
company
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 succeed but
also
Linking Words
 would bring plenty of problems and difficulties to the
company
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then
Linking Words
 companies always should be aware of the consequences of their decisions.
Submitted by Reza Moravej on

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task achievement
The essay shows some understanding of the topic but lacks clarity in expressing complete ideas. Expanding on specific examples to support your points could enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider creating a clearer logical structure to your essay by using well-defined paragraphs and clear topic sentences. Linking words and cohesive devices can also help improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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