The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph gives information regarding the number of shopping places that were established and closed in one region, commencing from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, both new and closed
stores
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

experienced
Correct article usage
a decrease

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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throughout the period of time. In the early period, there were 8,000 shopping places that were established. Unfortunately, a decade later, the figures collapsed significantly
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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almost 4,000. In 2014, the total surged steadily, reaching more than 6,000
stores
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The trend
was not stayed
Change to the active voice
did not stay
has not stayed

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb stayed in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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long, the
shopping
Correct quantifier usage
number of shopping

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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places receded, hitting its low point
by
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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about 3,000 in 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there were plenty of
stores
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were
Correct pronoun usage
that were

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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closed in 2011, even though it was 2,000
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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than the new ones. 2 years later, the amount of
shutted
Correct your spelling
shut

It appears that the verb shutted is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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down shops
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was

It seems that the verb were does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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increased, experiencing
its
Change the word
a

The word its may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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peak
just
Change preposition
of just

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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above 7,000. In 2015, the rates of the
stores
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb were appears to be unnecessary here.

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decreased dramatically with the numbers around 500.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, 3 years later, it resurged more than 5,000 spots.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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