IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graph gives information regarding the number of shopping places that were established and closed in one region, commencing from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, both new and closed
stores
 experienced
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 throughout the period of time. In the early period, there were 8,000 shopping places that were established. Unfortunately, a decade later, the figures collapsed significantly
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 4,000. In 2014, the total surged steadily, reaching more than 6,000
stores
. The trend
was not stayed
Change to the active voice
did not stay
has not stayed
show examples
 long, the
shopping
Correct quantifier usage
number of shopping
show examples
 places receded, hitting its low point
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 3,000 in 2018.
On the other hand
, there were plenty of
stores
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 closed in 2011, even though it was 2,000
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 than the new ones. 2 years later, the amount of
shutted
Correct your spelling
shut
show examples
 down shops
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increased, experiencing
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 peak
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 above 7,000. In 2015, the rates of the
stores
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased dramatically with the numbers around 500.
Finally
, 3 years later, it resurged more than 5,000 spots.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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