IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars, designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things and that is why divorce rates are so high and family bonds are not as strong anymore; our valve system is disintegrating. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

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Nowadays personal relationships
loose
Replace the word
lose
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 their
impoertance
Correct your spelling
importance
 as people get more attracted towards materialistic things
such
Linking Words
 as racing vehicles, fashionable dresses, and eye-catching ornaments. Even they
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not care about their married lives. In my opinion, I completely agree that the value of families
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 replaced by artificial objects because mankind become selfish and greedy
and
Correct word choice
apply
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due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of moral education. The greed for more and more money
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
human-being
Correct your spelling
human beings
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 blind. There is no particular reason to have
this
Linking Words
 feeling because it is
also
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 a part of human nature which makes them obsessed with expensive and luxurious items. To get
such
Linking Words
 comforts for survival, a person becomes selfish and
forget
Correct subject-verb agreement
forgets
show examples
 the difference between right and wrong. Sometimes one can not feel shame to harm their loved ones.
For example
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,
some
Change preposition
in some
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of
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apply
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countries
such
Linking Words
 as India,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dowry is a major problem where
number
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a number
the number
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 of newly wedded girls
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 killed by their
in laws
Add a hyphen
in-laws
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 for money.
The insufficient
Correct article usage
Insufficient
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 knowledge of moral education is
also
Linking Words
 the reason for
such
Linking Words
 devastating issues.
However
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people who commit
divorces
Fix the agreement mistake
divorce
show examples
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
issues of less understanding,
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 do not value each other's time and space, and disrespect
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other. If juveniles
taught
Add a missing verb
are taught
show examples
 to be moralized in terms of love, respect and understanding ability from
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 tender age, these matters can be resolved to some extent. The bond distraction between old parents and youngsters could be sorted by giving them enough time in their childhood so that they can learn the value of togetherness.
For example
Linking Words
, the reporters revealed that almost every second family in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 is living
separated
Replace the word
separately
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 because the children above 18 do not want to live with their parents.
To conclude
Linking Words
, everyone should understand the
differnce
Correct your spelling
difference
 between real and
reel
Correct your spelling
real
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 connections to get the actual satisfaction. It is not deniable that self-control matters
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 as every individual is different but
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
 of morality in upbringing is necessary.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure the essay has a clear logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs, each addressing a specific argument. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
To score higher in the introduction and conclusion, ensure that they are clearly identifiable and effectively summarize the main points of the essay. The introduction should set the stage for the argument, while the conclusion should wrap up the discussion neatly.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and clear explanations to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Avoid generalizations and ensure each point contributes meaningfully to the argument.
task achievement
A complete response requires an answer that addresses all parts of the task, including a clear opinion on the extent to which you agree or disagree. Make sure to cover all aspects of the prompt within your essay.
task achievement
Express ideas clearly and ensure they are comprehensive. Focus on the essay's readability by using straightforward language when possible and fully developing each point.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples should be clearly linked to the main points and should be used to provide evidence for your claims.
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