IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
It is said that these days people prefer to find alternative ways for medicines and treatments,
instead
 of talking to their regular doctors. In my opinion, every health problem should be checked first by an expert,
otherwise
, it could create much worse conditions. Many people are choosing
this
 way because they think that it is easier and more flexible.
Moreover
, in today's society, the internet plays a big part in distributing and influencing everyone's opinion. In
this
 case, the public could find another help that would be more beneficial and cheaper than their usual treatment with the doctor by only using or wearing simple properties.
For instance
, many teenagers might think that visiting their regular therapist costs a lot of money. With the existence of free AI therapist on the internet, they might switch their routine.
On the other hand
, I believe that the only reliable source, especially in the health condition is a doctor. Even though there are plenty of alternative ways that could be helpful, many of them do not pass the required standard which could create several negative impacts on the body.
For example
, it is not uncommon for adolescents to rely on TikTok reviews regarding a particular skin care product that they are about to use.
As a result
, that trend might lead someone to have a much bigger skin problem than previously, which eventually
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be hospitalized. In conclusion, I believe in order to have the best solution, people should consult their condition with their regular doctor because any other ways are not guaranteed to be successful.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline the structure of your essay in the introduction, guiding the reader on what to expect in the upcoming paragraphs. This helps set a solid groundwork for a coherent and cohesive essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to manage paragraphing and the sequencing of information. Relying on a variety of linking words helps to ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further by adding more detailed examples and explanations. This will provide greater depth to your argument and make your essay more persuasive and nuanced.
task achievement
It's important to answer all parts of the question fully to achieve a high task achievement score. This involves discussing both sides of the argument if the question requires it, and making your own opinion clear.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are not only relevant but thoroughly developed. It is not enough to simply present an idea; you must also explain it in depth and support it with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Use examples that are directly related to the question and show a clear link to the main point. General or vague examples can detract from the strength of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: