Some people believe that violent films are bad for you and encourage people to be violent. Others argue that violence and films are unrelated because violence existed before films. Which of these opinions do you agree with, and to what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 2 50 words.
Nowadays, some individuals share the view that violent
films
give
an adverse effect on Verb problem
have
people
and encourage them to be violent. While
, others believe that the
violent Correct article usage
apply
films
cannot affect on
humans, because Change preposition
apply
of
violence existed before Change preposition
apply
films
.
I completely agree with statement
that violent movies are harmful for Add an article
the statement
people
, especially for children.
The violent
Correct article usage
Violent
films
negatively affect on
children. Youngsters can not think in Change preposition
apply
right
way, because they repeat what they saw. Add an article
the right
For example
, in our advanced world where people
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
from
their electronic devices as Change preposition
to
phone
, they enjoy watching Fix the agreement mistake
phones
films
with they are family
. And Replace the word
their families
the
violent Correct article usage
apply
movie
with fighting actors, a lot of blood, negatively affect Fix the agreement mistake
movies
on
Change preposition
apply
people
, in particular
on
children's mental.
Violent movies are really unacceptable. Some Change preposition
apply
people
after viewing violent movie
can Fix the agreement mistake
movies
desired
to repeat what they Change the verb form
desire
be desired
were seen
.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
saw
the
violent Correct article usage
apply
films
affect on human's
brain Change noun form
human
thats
why Correct your spelling
that's
that
people
should be ensure
that Change the verb form
ensure
film
will not be bad for their mental health.Fix the agreement mistake
films
Submitted by ronadeclaro on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction lacks a clear and concise opinion statement. Avoid broad, sweeping statements such as 'I completely agree with statement that violent movies are harmful for people, especially for children.' Instead, specify the reasons you agree, setting a clear context for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical flow of ideas. The current structure presents assertions without clear transitions or logical sequencing. Use connecting phrases to link your ideas logically.
Task Achievement
Include more developed and specific examples. The example provided about children imitating violence is too vague. Illustrate your point with a detailed anecdote or cite researched studies that support your argument.
Grammar & Lexical Resource
Check for grammatical accuracy and sentence complexity. The essay contains several grammatical errors and oversimplified sentence structures which affect the clarity of your ideas. Work on varying your sentence structures and improving your grammar to enhance the readability of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.