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Band 3

In today's world, many pople own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #pople #smartphone
Nowadays, the development of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
the
Change the article
a
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 large amount of
smartphone's
Change noun form
smartphone
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 users from group young age to old age. The pros of owning
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 to search within a specific website outweigh the cons of affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health unless
people
 can reduce
time
 using it. One of the most vital elements that lead
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 to be regarded as
a necessary things
Correct the article-noun agreement
necessary things
a necessary thing
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every individual because of
the
Remove the article
apply
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its function encompassing the wide
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
course
 internet
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
 as
google
Capitalize word
Google
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, not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
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 provide wide information but it
also
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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 lively
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
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 and
videoclips
Correct your spelling
video clips
show examples
.
Moreover
, it can be
ultilized
Correct your spelling
utilized
utilised
 for entertaining
people
such
 as games,
mp4
Correct word choice
and mp4
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player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, a convenient gadget that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
 combines a function as a photograph for
people
 with
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 passion
with
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for
show examples
 saving
memory
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memories
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 in daily life or scenery.
However
, it
have
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has
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 another side. Nowadays,
people
 wouldn't rather
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 use of smartphones but they are too
rely
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reliant
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 on them, they
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
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 to refuse to take part in outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 and social community to take
time
 using their
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 they think that enjoying community activity is
time
-consuming and wasting
time
.
Moreover
, using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 too much
affecting on
Wrong verb form
affects
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people
's health
such
 as cardiovascular, heart attack,
Correct word choice
and obisity
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obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
.
For instance
, in 2017 a fat man
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games overnight
then
 he
pass
Wrong verb form
passed
show examples
 away because of
heart
Add an article
a heart
show examples
 attack. In conclusion, The pros of owning
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 to search within a specific website outweigh the cons of affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health unless
people
 can reduce
time
 using it
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and that your conclusion effectively summarises your views.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that showcase the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas, providing a smoother flow to your writing.
task achievement
Address both the advantages and disadvantages comprehensively, ensuring that your position on whether one outweighs the other is explicit.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are developed and explained fully, showing a depth of analysis.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, to demonstrate the practical implications of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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