In today's world many people own a smartphone Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvantages?
In
today
digital age, more Change noun form
today's
people
favour possessing a smartphone
. This
author believes that the benefits of convenience and affordable outweight
the Correct your spelling
outweigh
drawback
of health Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
effect
.
The most advantageous factor of having a Fix the agreement mistake
effects
smartphone
is convenience that
can help Correct pronoun usage
which
people
Change noun form
people's
life
better and easier. Wrong verb form
lives be
In other words
, holding a smartphone
can help people
with phone abilities such
as make
Wrong verb form
making
a phone calls
, Correct the article-noun agreement
phone calls
a phone call
use
social networking sites or shopping online. From prior knowledge, most Wrong verb form
using
people
in Vietnam choose to watch anime by smartphone
although
they have a TV because the smartphone
is more
Change the word
apply
esier
to use and when Correct your spelling
easier
people
want to go out, they can take smartphone
with them and Add an article
a smartphone
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
watch
anime anywhere because Replace the word
watching
lot
of supermarket or restaurant today Change the article
a lot
have
a Wifi-hotspot for their customer. Change the verb form
has
Thus
, possessing a smartphone
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
people
have a convenience
lifestyle.
Avoiding burnout must Replace the word
convenient
also
be affordable. It must be recognised that smartphones nowadays is
cheaper than Correct subject-verb agreement
are
it
in the past because the Correct pronoun usage
apply
producer
know that if they sell smartphones Fix the agreement mistake
producers
with
Change preposition
at
suitable
price, the customer will buy and use their product. Correct article usage
a suitable
As a result
, customer can buy smartphone
which they want and they can Correct article usage
the smartphone
also
choose the style of phone suitable to their hobby. Thereby, having is becoming esier
in the future.
Correct your spelling
easier
However
, a few people
who is
parents disagree Change the verb form
are
the
advantages of Change preposition
with the
smartphone
and think that Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
smartphone
can have a negative impact on Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
people
health. They believe that their children spend most time Change noun form
people's
for
playing mobile games so the light of Change preposition
apply
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
destroy
their Change the verb form
destroys
children
eyes. Change noun form
children's
This
may be true, but with the high technologies, smartphone
now is becoming Add an article
the smartphone
more safe
. Replace the words
safer
Consiquently
, Correct your spelling
Consequently
people
should spent
Change the verb form
spend
a
little time Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
on
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
smartphone
.
taking all points into account, possessing a Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
smartphone
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
outweighted
the Correct your spelling
outweighs
disavantages
. Correct your spelling
disadvantages
Hence
, the benefits of smartphone
is various.Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and logical structure within the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with subsequent sentences that support that main idea. While you have attempted to organize your essay, there are areas where the logic and flow could be enhanced.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to bookend your essay effectively. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be stronger and more definitive in presenting your thesis and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. You have made some assertions, but providing more concrete examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. While your essay addresses the topic, it should provide a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Your ideas are generally understandable, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder comprehension. Clarify your ideas for better understanding.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. While some examples are provided, considering adding more detail and context to these examples to more effectively support your claims and improve task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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