IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In today's world, many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning as smasrtphone outweigh the disadvantage.

#world #people #smartphone #smasrtphone
Whether
individuals
 should have an electronic device in cutting-edge communities is a recurring argument.
This
 writer argues that the positives of supporting social skills and avoiding being less isolated compared with the negatives of cyberpunk. The most advantageous factor of assisting shopping and banking online is to support technological social skills.
In other words
, tech-savvy who are familiar with using social networking sites can access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual markets or online services at any moment. From prior knowledge, teenagers and adults in Ho Chi Minh City tend to stay at home, making a purchase makes them feel convenient and they can take advantage of time to do other activities.
Thus
, using cell phones in the state-of-the-art era is a practical necessity. Avoiding being outdated must
also
 be considered. It must be recognised that
individuals
 are occasionally happy with information on social media to keep track of celebrities, rappers, actresses,... By way of explanation, famous people have both negative and positive effects on citizens so that society always stays updated new months turn into years. It's important to socialize and satisfy
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
 of residents on social networking sites. Not only help people follow new things on social media but
also
 it bridges the gap between humans and humans.
Therefore
, society needs to meet the demands of today's tech-savvy consumers.
On the other hand
, just by a double click on
sceen
Correct your spelling
screen
scene
, the purchasers bring about accidental problems with cause by computer jocks. No matter who you are, a variety of hackers will attack your private information.
This
 may be true in some developed countries like
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States or Canada, which have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amount of consumers who were attacked by hackers because they were treated by
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 economy.
As a result
, not using cell phones may bring a lot of upside for many
individuals
. Taking all points into account, the positive impact of using smartphones is outweighed by the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of it being to
individuals
.
Hence
 using electronic gadgets can give some benefits to presidents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
It is essential to have a clear introduction that outlines the essay's main points. The introduction should present the topic and clearly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion must summarily address the topic and reaffirm your position.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and several supporting sentences. The supporting sentences should provide detailed examples and explanations as to why the idea is held.
complete response
The essay requires complete responses to the prompt. Examine the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone, express which you believe are more significant, and justify your viewpoint.
logical structure
Work on the coherence of the essay. Organize ideas logically, use a range of linking words accurately, and ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your position throughout the essay. Ensure that you consistently reflect whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and provide clear, comprehensive ideas to support your stance.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant, specific examples to support your points. These examples should clearly highlight why an advantage is beneficial or a disadvantage is harmful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: