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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Governments should lower arts budgets to allocate more money to education. Do you agree with this view?

#governments #arts #budgets #money #education
In a
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 government should increase their
money
 investment in
education
.
Whereas
 spent less
money
 on art budgets. I agree with
this
 statement because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it increases
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more working
opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
. On the one hand,
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate should be increased when more
money
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 invested in
education
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it paves the way to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 system and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 better
education
 to the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. The major cause of illiteracy is
due
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to lack of educational
opportunities
 and
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 educational system. By doing so,
students
 will show interest and it leads to the development of
literacy
.
For instance
,
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
show examples
 government allocate more
money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 educational development
that's
Correct your spelling
that is
show examples
 why Canada
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 better
education
 to
students
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared with other countries.
On the other hand
, investment in
education
also
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 working
opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 system
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more skilled
students
. In a world of high demand for skilled working professionals, they can find a job quite easily. Not only they can afford a job but
also
 can demand a high pay of salary in return.
For example
,
country
Add an article
a country
show examples
 like Canada looking for highly skilled working professionals for jobs. Only people who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 eligible for
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
opportunities
 must be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skilled
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In conclusion, in a
country
 government should plan to allocate more funds to
education
 rather than art budgets. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it creates more job
opportunities
 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
literacy
Add an article
the literacy
show examples
 rate of the
country
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay should have a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas should flow seamlessly from one paragraph to another with the use of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
Task Achievement
Your essay should fully address the prompt, providing a clear position throughout and avoid contradictions or irrelevant ideas. Make sure your ideas are extended and supported by specific examples or reasons.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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