Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals think that all
information
from scientific research, business and the academic world
should be distributed freely to the masses, while
others believe that some information
is too valuable to be shared so relentlessly. Although
it may be reasonable to keep some data private, my stance on this
notion is to give people all possible information
for them
to have a clear view of the way the Correct pronoun usage
they
world
is working.
To begin
with, there are a couple of reasons why, for example
, individuals would prefer to keep some data private. Firstly
, big corporations hide receipts of their products or chip schemes to not give advantage to other companies in the market. Secondly
, advanced countries may not want to share their newest advances in scientific fields with their enemies. For instance
, Coca-Cola keeps their receipt of cola very secretly
because Change the word
secret
this
can affect its market share. Also
, it is important to mention that the US tried to retain any data regarding nuke bombs after World
War 2.
Nevertheless
, the importance of sharing information
in all fields far outweighs its possible disadvantages. First of all, free access to this
will benefit human civilization greatly in the long term, owing to the fact that global cooperation will encourage all gifted minds of the world
to make a concerted effort for improving
our Change preposition
to improve
world
together. Apart from
this
, such
accessability
will give opportunities to all levels of society, Correct your spelling
accessibility
therefore
some people from poor families can change their current condition of living. One clear example is the creation of the internet which gives infinite opportunities to everyone who wants to study any subject.
To sum up
, although
the implementation of this
can harm some people from the upper class substantially, but
a long-term effect will benefit the international community.Remove the conjunction
apply
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introduction conclusion present
While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, it lacks a clear thesis statement, indicating your own position. Ensure your introduction explicitly states your viewpoint.
logical structure
Your essay attempts to organize ideas logically, but some transitions between points can be improved for better flow. Aim for clearer linking sentences between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
supported main points
You have supported main points with explanations and examples. However, the examples used could be more specific and directly related to the topic. Use real-world, precise examples to strengthen your argument.
complete response
You addressed the prompt and provided a clear opinion, but the response could be developed further. Make sure each paragraph expands on your ideas comprehensively.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents a recognized structure with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Still, some ideas require clearer articulation and elaboration for a more comprehensive discussion. Developing and expanding on each point will create a more insightful essay.
relevant specific examples
Examples used are relevant, yet somewhat generic. For a higher band score, include more detailed and specific instances that convincingly support your points.