IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fast food is becoming a part of people's daily life everwhere, and this has had negative effects on our lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #people #life #everwhere #effects #lifestyle #diet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fast foods are consumed by
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every corner of the world and it has bad impacts on our daily life
as well as
Linking Words
diet
Correct pronoun usage
our diet
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that outsider foods are dangerous for us.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it makes us fat and
secondly
Linking Words
, we turn into unsocial and alone. Taking excessive fast foods
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 obese. Nowadays we are highly
dependened
Correct your spelling
dependent
 on street
food
Use synonyms
. But we are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 side effects.
This
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 contains too much fat
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 and other ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 sugar and sodium. These two ingredients are dangerous for our
health
Use synonyms
. It destroys our body shape.
For example
Linking Words
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 order
restaurants
Change the noun form
restaurant
show examples
food
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and
then
Linking Words
 consume
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 their family.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 obesity
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 are increasing day by day in the United States. High consumption of street
food
Use synonyms
 makes our life
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 and unsocial. The consumption rate of
restaurants
Change the noun form
restaurant
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 increasing rapidly.
Therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are affected by various diseases and
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease and cancer. Because having too much sugary and oily
food
Use synonyms
 attracts various
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
show examples
 and bacteria, which carry diseases.
People
Use synonyms
 , who
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
 by certain types of
health
Use synonyms
 problems, often hide
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. They can not easily enjoy their natural lifestyle.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
show examples
 society
neglets
Correct your spelling
negates
 them from for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.
Such
Linking Words
 behaviours from neighbours discourage them
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 contact with the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey
took
Correct pronoun usage
that took
show examples
 place in India in 2020 showed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 83% under 18 years old failed to make new friends because of their
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
To conclude
Linking Words
, too much sugary and oily
food
Use synonyms
 called fast
food
Use synonyms
 contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 obesity problems and
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 into unsocial and alone.
Submitted by sahareatushar124 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, with coherent paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth, and the overall argument should progress logically from introduction to conclusion. Avoid disjointed thoughts or unrelated ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and match the content of your essay. They should effectively frame your argument, with the introduction clearly stating your position and the conclusion successfully summarizing and reinforcing it. Refrain from introducing new points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear examples and explanations. Each paragraph should center on a single main idea, with supporting sentences that elaborate on or illustrate that point. Avoid vague statements or unsupported claims.
task achievement
To fully meet the task, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Your response should clearly indicate whether you agree or disagree with the statement, and it should outline your reasons with clear and developed ideas, avoiding repetition or irrelevant content.
task achievement
Provide a clear and comprehensive overview of your ideas related to the prompt. Make sure your argument is fully developed and that each paragraph contributes to the understanding of your position. Avoid shallow or superficial treatment of the subject matter.
task achievement
Use specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The examples should be relevant, persuasive, and connected to the main ideas of your essay. Including facts, figures, or studies can greatly enhance the strength of your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ubiquitous
  • Convenience
  • Nutrition
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Lifestyle diseases
  • Processed foods
  • Caloric intake
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Health implications
  • Dietary patterns
  • Globalization of diet
  • Health-conscious
  • Regulatory measures
  • Consumer behavior
  • Marketing strategies
  • Junk food
  • Preventive healthcare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: