IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.
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The bar chart highlights data about the number of visitors who visited
to
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the three museums over a five-year period between 2000 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that there
were
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was
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remarkably
Correct article usage
a remarkably
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 upward Trend in the earnings of both MET which was located in New York and
National
Correct article usage
the National
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Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 of China 
while
Linking Words
 the
income
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 of Edo-Tokyo saw a considerable decline over the period in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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question. Another interesting point is that Edo-Tokyo was the most popular
museum
Use synonyms
 in the beginning , but in
ending
Wrong verb form
the end
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,
National
Correct article usage
the National
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Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 which was
sited
Verb problem
located
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 in China was visited by
huge
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the huge
a huge
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 rate of voyagers than the others. Looking at the details, as regards American
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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,
income
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 started at 12 million visitors in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 there was a fluctuation over the next 2 years,  at which point it
leveled
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levelled
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 off at 6
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 until 2002. Earnings dipped slightly and recovered.
Then
Linking Words
 the figure went up considerably finishing at around 14
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2005. If we look at
Edo-Tokyo
Correct article usage
the Edo-Tokyo
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museum
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, it has remained stable at approximately 13
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in the first two-year period
,
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 and comes and
decreases
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decreased
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 slightly, reaching
at
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apply
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10
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2005.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
income
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 of
National
Correct article usage
the National
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Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 went in the opposite direction. Earnings of
National
Correct article usage
the National
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Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 increased steadily year on year .The
income
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 started from 6
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
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apply
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voyagers in 2000 and hit a peak at approximately 15 million in 2005. #221 words

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, income, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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