in many countries, number of older people are increase. some people says that this will cause more problems to that countries. others say that older people can play a role in society. discuss both views and give your opinion.
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic → Introduction
Nowadays the world population are increasing every second
in many
is not. Some
hasChange the verb form
show examples
old
areCorrect pronoun usage
show examples
much more than young
. Actually,
oldCorrect article usage
show examples
population looks better than young
it is not.
Body paragraph 1
century
needChange the verb form
show examples
a Correct article usage
show examples
young
because
look for young
to work. If young
than old
, they can
increasingWrong verb form
show examples
the economy. Old
hasChange the verb form
show examples
a good
, when they
retiredWrong verb form
show examples
must
to Fix the infinitive
show examples
pay
salaryCorrect article usage
show examples
.
retired are
burdenAdd an article
show examples
for
.
Conclusion
Developed
needsChange the verb form
show examples
young
because in the future they will need young
. In my opinion, if older
are increaseChange the verb form
show examples
, that will cause more problems for
. When
Correct subject-verb agreement
show examples
hasCorrect subject-verb agreement
show examples
a lot of retired,
why so
Correct quantifier usage
show examples
muchFix the agreement mistake
show examples
retired
Fix the agreement mistake
show examples
paymentFix the agreement mistake
show examples
.
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The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for establishing the context and summarizing the main points. Make sure to include these in your essay structure.
Your main points require more development and support. Each argument should be explained in detail and supported by specific examples or evidence. Aim to expand on your ideas for greater clarity and impact.
The essay does not consistently follow a logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each sentence supports the main idea of the paragraph.
Regarding task achievement, the essay doesn't fully address the prompt. You must discuss both views mentioned in the question before giving your own opinion. Ensure you cover all parts of the task.
Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Some sentences are confusing or incomplete, which hinders the reader's understanding. Use clear, simple language and well-formed sentences.
Although it is good to include examples to support your points, the ones provided are too general and not directly relevant to the arguments made. Use more specific and direct examples to strengthen your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.