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Band 4.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone do you thinh advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages

#world #people #smartphone #thinh
Nowadays, almost all
people
 in over the world have their
owned
Replace the word
own
show examples
 mobile phones .
This
 author argued that
people
 can receive many useful for their work and convenient for their lives. So it level up the living outweigh the disadvantages. The most advantageous factor of mobile phones is that they can help
people
 conveniently contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everybody they want.
For example
,
people
 can keep in touch with their friends easily if their friends go abroad or live far away to meet each other. So they can use smartphones to call video or chat most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
. The other benefit
smartphone
 brings to users is
easy
Correct your spelling
ease
show examples
to do
Verb problem
of
show examples
 shopping online.
In other words
,
people
 can buy in many apps with the big numbers of things without going to the supermarket or shop.
Additionally
, you can read
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
feedback
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 previous customers.
For instance
, when
people
 buy something,they only need to take the phone and rate it from many feedbacks,
then
 they can click to buy easily.
In contrast
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
 has a big negative effect on
children
 because they give off blue light which is very bad for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 eyes and adults too. Smartphones make
children
's brains become stupid
children
 because mobile phones have lots of videos by adults but it is not suitable
so
Correct word choice
for
show examples
children
 can learn. So we won't give your
smartphone
 to
children
 to watch. In conclusion, smartphones are very helpful for
people
's lives and it has lots of benefits to help
people
 live more conveniently. In my opinion, the
smartphone
 is the best thing humans have invented.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic, and the conclusion should summarize your main points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and flow logically from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words to help with the flow and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question comprehensively. Ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay and that it is stated in both the introduction and the conclusion. Develop your ideas fully and provide specific examples to support your points. Aim for a balance in discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones to thoroughly address the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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