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Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
In
this
 rapidly evolving world,
role
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the role
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 of parents and
teachers
 in
upbringing
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the upbringing
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 of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 is a part of
debate
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the debate
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. Some proponents contend that guardians play a significant part in making their kids a good member of society;
however
, debaters argue that school plays
major
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a major
show examples
role
.
This
 essay will discuss both the
prospectives
Replace the word
prospects
show examples
 before offering any nuanced opinion. To commence with the former viewpoint, parents are the first
teachers
 of the kid, as mother and father
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more time with their children than anyone else does during childhood.
Moreover
, young minds can be trained easily.
Additionally
, a number of juveniles
follows
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follow
show examples
 their parent’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and passion;
consequently
,
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the child
a child
show examples
child
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children
show examples
 will follow their parents’ thinking about society. To exemplify
this
, in
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
 episode of ‘
The
Correct article usage
apply
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America’s Got Talent’,
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 was asked by the judges
that
Correct word choice
apply
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, ‘’why
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 you
decided
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decide
show examples
 to be a dancer?’’, the
child
 replied
that
Correct word choice
apply
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“I used to follow my mom every day and I always wanted to dance like her’’.
On the other hand
, a group of people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that school is the best place to learn good qualities
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because teacher plays
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
role
 in educating their sophomores to differentiate between good and bad manners.
In addition
 to that,
strict
Correct article usage
the strict
show examples
 rules of the school teach students to behave in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 manner.
Nevertheless
,
child
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the child
a child
show examples
 learns a lot from their friends and peers.
Also
, in numerous cases,
teachers
 provide a vision to
child
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children
show examples
 and
child
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children
show examples
 follows them as their
role
model
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models
show examples
.
For Instance
, the former prime minister and a great scientist from India APJ Abdul Kalam
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mentioned in his book that he was an ordinary guy from a small village, but his professor was the one who planted seeds of social work in his mind.
To conclude
, in my opinion,
although
 academic institutes play
essential
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an essential
show examples
role
 in student’s life to teach them to be a good member of society,
parents’
Correct article usage
the parents’
show examples
 part is always major
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 about better social qualities, as they spend more time with their kids than
teachers
.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your opinion is not just mentioned at the conclusion but also more clearly developed throughout the essay. This leads to a more persuasive argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on varying your transition words and phrases to avoid repetitiveness and to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Continue to use specific examples to support your arguments. However, try to further elaborate on these examples to make them more impactful and directly tied to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Explore further dividing your paragraphs to clearly distinguish contrasting views or different arguments. This can help in improving logical structure and making your essay easier to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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