Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A portion of communities argue that the most important thing kids should learn from education institutes is how to become fine residents and workers.
However
Linking Words
, others think that it has more advantages for the person. I partially agree with the statement, because I believe two of them are complimentary.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
School
Use synonyms
is a place where children cultivate good habits.
Such
Linking Words
as manner,and sense of time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, kids
also
Linking Words
learn cooperation and communication in
school
Use synonyms
. The abilities above are the basis of being a good resident and efficient employee,
however
Linking Words
, they can
also
Linking Words
advantage individuals in their career lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, a worker who has a better attitude and always finishes the task on time is more likely to be promoted than others who don’t.
Also
Linking Words
, teamwork allows individuals to bring their diverse perspectives to problem-solving, which in turn increases their success at arriving at solutions more efficiently and effectively.
As a result
Linking Words
, we can see that
while
Linking Words
being a good citizen and worker, the resident can
also
Linking Words
get benefits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a study from the National Taiwan University shows that the education level is disproportionate to the crime rate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as time changes, finding an individual's interest is becoming more and more important in education.The youth no longer be taught that getting good scores is the only way the be successful in their future life. The educators started to help children search for their passion,
instead
Linking Words
of telling them what to do is the best.
For instance
Linking Words
, Taiwan’s high
school
Use synonyms
students not only take normal classes like math, Chinese, and science
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but the clubs after
school
Use synonyms
are taken seriously nowadays. In conclusion, formal
school
Use synonyms
help students lay a foundation for becoming a good person in the world, meanwhile, it plays an important role in guiding children to find their own passion.
Submitted by vivian901014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay by organizing ideas and paragraphs in a smooth, logical progression. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, and use relevant examples and explanations to support your points. Avoid general statements and strive for more detailed and specific supporting sentences to strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a thorough discussion of the ideas presented in the question. Offer a balanced view if you partially agree and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. Expand on your ideas with clear explanations and more thorough examples to satisfy task achievement criteria.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely. This will demonstrate lexical resource and grammatical range, adding to the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: