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Band 6.5

Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #school #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
A portion of communities argue that the most important thing kids should learn from education institutes is how to become fine residents and workers.
However
 , others think that it has more advantages for the person. I partially agree with the statement, because I believe two of them are complimentary.
Firstly
,
School
 is a place where children cultivate good habits.
Such
 as manner,and sense of time.
Furthermore
, kids
also
 learn cooperation and communication in
school
. The abilities above are the basis of being a good resident and efficient employee,
however
, they can
also
 advantage individuals in their career lives.
For instance
, a worker who has a better attitude and always finishes the task on time is more likely to be promoted than others who don’t.
Also
, teamwork allows individuals to bring their diverse perspectives to problem-solving, which in turn increases their success at arriving at solutions more efficiently and effectively.
As a result
, we can see that
while
 being a good citizen and worker, the resident can
also
 get benefits.
Moreover
, a study from the National Taiwan University shows that the education level is disproportionate to the crime rate.
Furthermore
, as time changes, finding an individual's interest is becoming more and more important in education.The youth no longer be taught that getting good scores is the only way the be successful in their future life. The educators started to help children search for their passion,
instead
 of telling them what to do is the best.
For instance
, Taiwan’s high
school
 students not only take normal classes like math, Chinese, and science
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but the clubs after
school
 are taken seriously nowadays. In conclusion, formal
school
 help students lay a foundation for becoming a good person in the world, meanwhile, it plays an important role in guiding children to find their own passion.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay by organizing ideas and paragraphs in a smooth, logical progression. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, and use relevant examples and explanations to support your points. Avoid general statements and strive for more detailed and specific supporting sentences to strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a thorough discussion of the ideas presented in the question. Offer a balanced view if you partially agree and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. Expand on your ideas with clear explanations and more thorough examples to satisfy task achievement criteria.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely. This will demonstrate lexical resource and grammatical range, adding to the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
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