IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree?

#students #period #study #fun #time #management
It is widely believed that
students
 should have flexibility and the right to manage their
time
 for studying and having free. I agree with
this
 idea because
this
 opportunity has various advantages, as many
students
 want to develop their non-academic skills
while
 they are studying.
This
 essay will
be highlighted
Wrong verb form
highlight
show examples
 the reasons why I
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 idea.
Firstly
, nowadays, youths have knowledge about the importance of being healthy and nurturing their body.
Therefore
, most of them want to spend their
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living actively,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 doing gym or sports.
Such
students
 prefer
time
 flexibility. If study
time
 can be manageable,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 would assigned their
free-
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing more sports and gym.
On the other hand
, playing music is
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of non-academic approach for
students
 who
wanting
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to develop their talent when they are free. If
students
 can manage their
time
, they
allocated
Wrong verb form
allocate
show examples
time
 for learning how to play music.
For example
, some children go to training
for playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
 music after school.
To conclude
, it is crucial that the timetable managed by
students
 should be suggested,
hence
 they have
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the right to do it.
Submitted by zayashdee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Your conclusion should restate your position and summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your arguments are clearly organized and each paragraph centers around a single main point. Use cohesive devices, such as linking words, to help the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, use a range of sentence structures and precise vocabulary that directly relates to the topic. Avoid repetitive language and make sure each paragraph conveys a distinct idea that contributes to the overall argument.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points with specific examples and explanations to illustrate your ideas clearly and make them more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: