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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents believe that a child should not waste time by reading entertainment books, instead, they should spend time reading educational books only. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Public concern regarding what type of
books
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be read by kids is increasingly topical since some parents argue that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation has to read only
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
academic
books
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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leave enjoying fun
books
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 wasting
time
Use synonyms
. To
respod
Correct your spelling
respond
 to
this
Linking Words
 issue, I thoroughly disagree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the aforementioned perspective about academic
books
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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 the only source of materials which children have to learn because reading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertaining
books
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
provide
Verb problem
has
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 positive impacts on kids' lives, particularly in increasing their happiness and instilling
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
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 value.
Firstly
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, spending
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
books
Use synonyms
 for fun can boost happiness for the youth.The reason is that
no-educational
Correct your spelling
educational
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 offer much information which can entertain the youth and release stress.
Consequently
Linking Words
, those
books
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 can level up the
children
Change noun form
children's
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 moods
instead
Linking Words
 of studying materials
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they always learn in class for more than a third of their
time
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 on a daily basis. Taking Japan as one example,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted by McKinsey reported that 80% of students,
Correct pronoun usage
who allocating
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allocating
Wrong verb form
allocated
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 their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to read entertaining
explanation
Fix the agreement mistake
explanations
show examples
 after going back home, experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lower
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 than other pupils who strictly read only from subjects.
Secondly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good value because
enjoyment
Replace the word
enjoying
show examples
 materials
also
Linking Words
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
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values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 inside.
Therefore
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, kids can pick the positive views
up
Change preposition
apply
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from those
books
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, followed by
applicating
Verb problem
applying them
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 in their ordinary lives.
For instance
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, the
little women
Correct your spelling
Little Women
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 book
wrriten
Correct your spelling
written
 by Louise consists of various positive views about
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life,
for instance
Linking Words
, chasing dreams,
nuturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
 ambition, and living independently.
Thus
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, 79%
its
Change preposition
of its
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 users declared that the book inspires them to be more persistent
while
Linking Words
 pursuing goals.
To sum up
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, enjoying fun
books
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the children beneficial impacts because they can make the users feel happy after finishing the explanation and learn good values from the story inside.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and aim for clearer paragraph transitions to improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and succinctly summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed explanations, providing clearer reasoning or evidence for the arguments made.
task achievement
Address all elements of the task, ensuring a complete response to the prompt with a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Formulate ideas clearly and ensure they are comprehensive and easy for the reader to understand.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points, ensuring they are directly relevant to the topic and your argument.
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