The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#inequality #nations #difference #gap

Many people argue that

the

Correct article usage

apply

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inequality more and more

significantly

Change the word

significant

show examples

increases

Verb problem

apply

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in today’s

our

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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world, and the gap

Change preposition

between

show examples

poor and wealthy

countries

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

more and more is stretched. From my perspective, I agree with

this

view. Speaking of cause, I think there are many

reason

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reasons

show examples

affecting

this

view, but there are three main causes that directly

inpact

Correct your spelling

impact

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

quality of

education

, employment and a lack of

frastructure

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

and technology. In developing

countries

national

Add an article

the national

show examples

education

system is not given attention

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to people’s knowledge

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being

show examples

lower than

developed

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in developed

show examples

countries

As a result

, those

countries

have no

highly-educated

Correct your spelling

highly educated

show examples

workforce to develop their country.

Besides

, the lack of

frastructure

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

and technology

also

plays a fundamental role in the advance of a country but they do not have enough financial

resourses

Correct your spelling

resources

to invest.

By contrast

, in developed

countries

government

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the government

show examples

is given a lot of attention

about

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show examples

national

Add an article

the national

show examples

education

system and they

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

a lot of resources

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

public finances to invest

infrastructure

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in infrastructure

show examples

and technology.

For example

, The US provides free

education

for children

along with

policies to attract human resources from

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

countries

, they have a

highly-educated

Correct your spelling

highly educated

show examples

workforce to contribute

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

development of

country

Add an article

the country

a country

show examples

However

this

disparity can be reduced

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show examples

many ways. First of all, helping poor

countries

get an

education

can improve their

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

and the best form of help is development aid.

In addition

, governments and charities from developed

countries

can help by building schools basic

education

systems.

Moreover

, richer nations and

multi-national

Correct your spelling

multinational

show examples

companies may invest in long-term projects and help by creating a lot of jobs in developing nations. In a nutshell, the disparity

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between

show examples

poor and wealthy nations is unavoidable.

However

, developed

countries

can help developing

countries

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show examples

many ways.

This

contribute

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contributes

show examples

to our world

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

better.

Submitted by weezel on Wed Jan 10 2024

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task achievement

Your essay generally addresses the task, mentioning causes such as education, infrastructure, and employment, and suggesting development aid as a solution. However, it lacks a more nuanced discussion and specific examples that would increase task achievement. To improve this aspect of your writing, aim to explore the causes and solutions in greater depth and provide clear, specific examples to illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows an effort to organize ideas and includes both an introduction and a conclusion. However, the coherence of the essay suffers due to some disjointed sentences and lack of clear topic sentences. For improvement, you should work on constructing logical paragraphs that each contain one clear main idea, supported by subsequent explanatory or example sentences.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people in society? How can this problem be solved?

In some countries, it is illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?