The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many people argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inequality more and more
significantly
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significant
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increases
Verb problem
apply
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in today’s
our
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apply
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world, and the gap
of
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between
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poor and wealthy
countries
also
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is also
show examples
more and more is stretched. From my perspective, I agree with
this
view. Speaking of cause, I think there are many
reason
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reasons
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affecting
this
view, but there are three main causes that directly
inpact
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impact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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quality of
education
, employment and a lack of
frastructure
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infrastructure
and technology. In developing
countries
,
national
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the national
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education
system is not given attention
lead
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leading
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to people’s knowledge
is
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being
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lower than
developed
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in developed
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countries
.
As a result
, those
countries
have no
highly-educated
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highly educated
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workforce to develop their country.
Besides
, the lack of
frastructure
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infrastructure
and technology
also
plays a fundamental role in the advance of a country but they do not have enough financial
resourses
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resources
to invest.
By contrast
, in developed
countries
,
government
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the government
show examples
is given a lot of attention
about
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to
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national
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the national
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education
system and they
spent
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spend
show examples
a lot of resources
form
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from
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public finances to invest
infrastructure
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in infrastructure
show examples
and technology.
For example
, The US provides free
education
for children
along with
policies to attract human resources from
others
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other
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countries
, they have a
highly-educated
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highly educated
show examples
workforce to contribute
the
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to the
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development of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
However
,
this
disparity can be reduced
by
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in
show examples
many ways. First of all, helping poor
countries
get an
education
can improve their
live
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lives
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and the best form of help is development aid.
In addition
, governments and charities from developed
countries
can help by building schools basic
education
systems.
Moreover
, richer nations and
multi-national
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multinational
show examples
companies may invest in long-term projects and help by creating a lot of jobs in developing nations. In a nutshell, the disparity
of
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between
show examples
poor and wealthy nations is unavoidable.
However
, developed
countries
can help developing
countries
by
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in
show examples
many ways.
This
contribute
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contributes
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to our world
become
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becoming
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better.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task, mentioning causes such as education, infrastructure, and employment, and suggesting development aid as a solution. However, it lacks a more nuanced discussion and specific examples that would increase task achievement. To improve this aspect of your writing, aim to explore the causes and solutions in greater depth and provide clear, specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows an effort to organize ideas and includes both an introduction and a conclusion. However, the coherence of the essay suffers due to some disjointed sentences and lack of clear topic sentences. For improvement, you should work on constructing logical paragraphs that each contain one clear main idea, supported by subsequent explanatory or example sentences.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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