It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
To try doing something risky is equal to stepping out of the comfort zone, and it is believed to be necessary to do so in our personal and professional lives. In
this
essay, I will further
explain why the benefits overshadow the potential drawbacks.
In today’s era where society cares a lot about the necessity of well-being, stepping out of the comfort zone may seem to be a burden for some people. This
is because it requires much effort and courage, otherwise
it will badly affect your mental health. Take a sample of a student who tries to study abroad for the first time with just a minimal experience of living alone, surely in the beginning of the period they must feel stressed or get homesick and without proper self-control it may lead to severe conditions.
Having said that, doing something unfamiliar also
brings us to understand deeper about ourselves. If we only live in our little bubble and never try to broaden our horizons, we will never know to what extent our limit is. As for myself, once I entered university, I directly signed up many
organizations and projects just to see in which field I Change preposition
for many
am
actually interested Wrong verb form
was
in
and Change preposition
apply
hopefully
I was Add a comma
hopefully,
in
the right path Change preposition
on
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
know
I am fully focusing Correct your spelling
now
myself
on pursuing Correct pronoun usage
apply
career
in the field of international business. Add an article
a career
Moreover
, I also
developed new perspectives along the way as I was in a
multiple roles that allowed me to thrive within different obstacles. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Thus
, other than helping to see yourself better, there are also
opportunities to learn new things from tackling issues.
To conclude
, although
trying to take risks sounds scary and has a chance to break well-being, yet
I strongly believe that the advantages and opportunities offered seem to outweigh the upcoming challenges which have no guarantee to happen. Correct word choice
apply
Thereafter
, use your time wisely and try to consider every opportunity that come
your way because it will not come twice.Change the verb form
comes
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of the essay, make sure each paragraph clearly links to the next, with explicit connecting phrases that guide the reader through your argument. This will help your essay flow more naturally from point to point.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they can be made stronger. The introduction could more directly address the specifics of the prompt, and the conclusion could more decisively state your position. Aim for more clarity and emphasis on your thesis in these sections.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but to improve them, consider developing each idea more fully with additional examples or evidence. Adding more depth and detail to each point will make your argument more persuasive and impactful.
task achievement
Your response is complete, but occasionally the relevance of your supporting details to the question's prompt could be made clearer. Make sure each paragraph directly contributes to the argument you are making about the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
You have articulated a clear and comprehensive central idea, but to enhance it, provide more detailed analysis and discussion. Refine your thoughts to go beyond stating what the benefits and drawbacks are by analyzing the implications or reasons behind them.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Personal anecdotes are strong, but also consider including a broader range of examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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