IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that children should be taught at school how to become good parents. Other thinks it is not a good idea Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #school #parents #idea
Nowadays, teaching pupils parental
skills
 is claimed to be imperative,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some individuals are of the opinion that it is not up to the schools.
Although
 both states are respectful,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally find the first one more reasonable. It is alleged that children ought to learn
parenatal
Correct your spelling
parental
prenatal
skills
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
 classes. There may be several reasons for
this
 state;
Firstly
, the sooner the children learn about something, the better they will be at it in
future
. Just consider thousands of
kids
, who are taught mathematics at early ages and as they grow they will become more
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in it.
Therefore
 teaching parental attributes to
kids
 not only will make them better parents in
future
, but
also
 they will learn to cultivate good humans for society.
Secondly
, schools are the most
appopriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 place to train
kids
.
Therefore
 it is
such
 an effective method to teach these
skills
 to pupils by expert teachers and
prepere
Correct your spelling
prepare
 them for a better
future
. Only at
school
 and educational places
kids
 are able to accept and understand these lessons.
On the other hand
, Some people assert that it is not essential to teach little children parental
skills
. They claim that these
kids
 are too young to know about parenthood and teaching
these kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
this kind
show examples
 of information is out of
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
.
This
 is largely because pupils are already quite busy with learning science and other subjects so they do not have extra time to learn any other thing.
Instead
 of learning how to become a good parent at
school
, they must get trained at home by their own parents. In conclusion,
Although
 some
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 consider learning parental
featers
Correct your spelling
features
feathers
 at
school
 unnecessary, there are many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 action that can completely change
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 behaviour as a
future
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
. I personally agree with the first idea.
Submitted by Arman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs containing a single main idea supported by specific examples or explanations. Aim to transition smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your position on the topic and summarise your main points without introducing new information in the conclusion. Both sections should be present and convey your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by providing more detailed and relevant examples. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates a better understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task prompt. Present a clear argument and address the reasons for your agreement or disagreement, discussing both views if the prompt requires.
task achievement
Strive to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overly complex sentence structures that may obscure the meaning, and make sure your ideas are developed fully and coherently.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to back up your points, which demonstrate your understanding of the topic and further support your argument. Lack of specificity can undermine the strength of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: