Some people think that the teenager’s years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #teenager’s #years #times #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities

A part of

people

believe that adolescence time is a joyful period of many individual's

lives

However

, others think that adulthood gives them more enjoyment,

while

it has more obligations to perform.

Although

post-adolescence age brings more happiness in the forms of economic and social status, I believe that teen years are the happiest phase of our

lives

Firstly

, the young period is the time which all individuals love to live once again as it brings a lot of nice experiences

such

as having lots of friends, going for an outing regularly and sharing good and bad with

Correct article usage

a loveable

show examples

loveable

Correct article usage

a loveable

show examples

population. what I mean by

this

is that when we were childhood we did not have any work pressure or family commitments to do. We

people

always love to be free.

For example

, a survey which was published

last

year states that ninety per cent of

school children

Correct your spelling

schoolchildren

show examples

enjoy their

lives

As well as

many adult

crowd

Change to a plural noun

crowds

show examples

would like to return to that joyful period again.

On the other hand

, mature age sometimes brings satisfaction

this

is to say that adult

people

would have almost achieved their goals they want to . And

also

they enter into the family life and

also

having children.

Furthermore

, the individuals who live in their neighbourhood would respect them and take their opinions into consideration.

However

this

time has more difficulties related to

Correct article usage

the teenager

show examples

teenager

Replace the word

teenage

show examples

years.

Moreover

, It is evident throughout society adult

people

are exposed to related diseases.

For instance

, in Sri Lanka, 80 per cent of individuals who are thirty plus always suffer from work pressure.

To conclude

, both phases of our

lives

give us different types of experiences and learnings. But, in my view young age community live their

lives

smoothly and happily.

Submitted by ajeevatharsan on Thu Jan 11 2024

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task achievement

The essay does not fully meet the requirements of the task as it tends to be more biased towards one view, failing to thoroughly explore and discuss both views equally before stating a personal opinion. To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure to dedicate a balanced and equally detailed amount of discussion to both views presented in the task before stating your own opinion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive transitions between ideas and paragraphs. To improve, consider using a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and employ a clear topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph to indicate the main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme that is maintained throughout the paragraph for better coherence and cohesion.

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Satisfaction
Autonomy
Fulfillment
Pressures
Novelty
Responsibilities
Priorities
Transition
Rite of passage
Holistic
Nostalgia
Existential
Resilience
Maturity
Self-actualization
Rejuvenation

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