Some people think that the teenager’s years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
A part of
people
believe that adolescence time is a joyful period of many individual's Use synonyms
lives
. Use synonyms
However
, others think that adulthood gives them more enjoyment, Linking Words
while
it has more obligations to perform. Linking Words
Although
post-adolescence age brings more happiness in the forms of economic and social status, I believe that teen years are the happiest phase of our Linking Words
lives
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, the young period is the time which all individuals love to live once again as it brings a lot of nice experiences Linking Words
such
as having lots of friends, going for an outing regularly and sharing good and bad with Linking Words
Correct article usage
a loveable
loveable
population. what I mean by Correct article usage
a loveable
this
is that when we were childhood we did not have any work pressure or family commitments to do. We Linking Words
people
always love to be free. Use synonyms
For example
, a survey which was published Linking Words
last
year states that ninety per cent of Linking Words
school children
enjoy their Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
lives
. Use synonyms
As well as
many adult Linking Words
crowd
would like to return to that joyful period again.
Change to a plural noun
crowds
On the other hand
, mature age sometimes brings satisfaction Linking Words
this
is to say that adult Linking Words
people
would have almost achieved their goals they want to . And Use synonyms
also
they enter into the family life and Linking Words
also
having children. Linking Words
Furthermore
, the individuals who live in their neighbourhood would respect them and take their opinions into consideration. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
this
time has more difficulties related to Linking Words
Correct article usage
the teenager
teenager
years. Replace the word
teenage
Moreover
, It is evident throughout society adult Linking Words
people
are exposed to related diseases. Use synonyms
For instance
, in Sri Lanka, 80 per cent of individuals who are thirty plus always suffer from work pressure.
Linking Words
To conclude
, both phases of our Linking Words
lives
give us different types of experiences and learnings. But, in my view young age community live their Use synonyms
lives
smoothly and happily.Use synonyms
Submitted by ajeevatharsan on
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task achievement
The essay does not fully meet the requirements of the task as it tends to be more biased towards one view, failing to thoroughly explore and discuss both views equally before stating a personal opinion. To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure to dedicate a balanced and equally detailed amount of discussion to both views presented in the task before stating your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive transitions between ideas and paragraphs. To improve, consider using a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and employ a clear topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph to indicate the main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme that is maintained throughout the paragraph for better coherence and cohesion.