IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the phenomenon of the rapidly ageing population has been a common challenge which causes the unaffordable cost of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 in many societies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some nations
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to make regulations to let their citizens pay the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 provisions in the future. In my opinion, that must be carried out but it would generate other
problems
Use synonyms
 which governments should deal with.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 could face a situation in which nobody can take care of them in the future in developed countries nowadays because of the lower rates of borning.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to store money in advance when they still have the ability to work.
For example
Linking Words
, Holland has practised high tax rates and
health
Use synonyms
insurance
Use synonyms
 since the 1980s in order to provide
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-being
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
. In short, it is significantly useful for individuals to have a pleasant life after retiring.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the enforcement of
health
Use synonyms
insurance
Use synonyms
 could lead to an enormous load for young
people
Use synonyms
. To pay for the
insurance
Use synonyms
, young
people
Use synonyms
 were forced to reduce their daily consumption, earn more income, and have some
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 a report released in 2020 from Taiwan,
health
Use synonyms
insurance
Use synonyms
 acquires 40% of
people
Use synonyms
's annual budget.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should deal with these
problems
Use synonyms
 to decrease the financial stress for young
people
Use synonyms
 at the same time when promoting
healthcare
Use synonyms
insurance
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe the government which is facing the ageing population should not only practice some strategies to encourage citizens to pay for their
healthcare
Use synonyms
 provision in the future, but
also
Linking Words
 provide some measures to solve other
problems
Use synonyms
 produced by
health
Use synonyms
insurance
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develop it with specific examples. While the essay addresses the topics, the examples provided are somewhat generic and could be enhanced with more detail and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by improving transitions and connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, check the relevance of content in each paragraph to the central topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: