Animals are in danger of extinction. Some people say that we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?
The world is getting more and more damaged,
natural
and other ecosystems are becoming more and more damaged.
The destruction of ecosystems, especially forests, means that the Correct word choice
and natural
animals
living in them have no place to live, as a
result
many Add the comma(s)
result,
animals
come to residential areas because they have lost their homes. Not a few animals
also
became extinct because they could not survive without the ecosystem.
I do not agree with the argument that the animals
that should be protected are those that are useful to humans. Because other animals
are also
very important for us to protect. Every animal on this
earth is related to each other, for
example
caterpillars and birds. If caterpillars become extinct Add the comma(s)
example,
then
birds will also
become extinct because caterpillars have no food.
This
also
happens in other animal food chains.
Apart from that, there is a strong reason why I do not agree that animals
that must be protected are only animals
that are useful for
humans. Change preposition
to
Because in
my Correct word choice
In
opinion
all Add a comma
opinion,
animals
have their own uniqueness, like the Komodo dragon which is almost extinct, this
animal is very worthy of being protected and even cultivated so that this
animal does not become extinct and the diversity of animals
in this
world is maintained. Apart from that, it also
needs to be protected so that these animals
will not only be stories in history for years to come but can also
be seen in real life, in what form and appearance they look like.
In conclusion, I do not agree with the argument which
states that protected Correct word choice
that
animals
are only animals
that are useful for humans, but other animals
must also
be protected to maintain the ecosystem and diversity of animals
in this
world.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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thesis statement
It is important to have a clear thesis statement that outlines your main argument. In this essay, the thesis statement is implied but not explicitly stated, which can affect the logical flow of ideas. It's recommended to write a direct thesis statement in the introduction.
paragraph coherence
Your essay should have a more logical progression of ideas. While some points are presented sequentially, others appear to be less clearly linked. Work on using transitional phrases and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next one.
main point development
You have presented several main points, but they would be stronger if they were better developed with more detailed explanations and examples. Try to provide specific examples to support individual points that reinforce your argument.
task expansion
While you have responded to the task, there is room to further clarify and expand upon your ideas. Be more comprehensive in your analysis of why it's important to protect all animals, not just those useful to humans. Include more varied reasons and detail to enrich your argument.
specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to back up your points. Incorporating case studies, research findings, or historical events can add depth to your essay and show a broader understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.