Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that former prisoners can change their attitudes and transform into good

citizens

Use synonyms

. And that their transformation made us the best to sensibilize children about the

dangers

Use synonyms

of breaking the law. I agree with that for two reasons :

First,

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ex-offenders are able to become good members of our society and

then

Linking Words

, I think that they are the best people to talk about these

dangers

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

, prisons have been created to change the attitude of detainees, so it is logical that they can become good

citizens

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. They spend months or years in a small space with usually no distractions, so they have time to question themselves about what they did wrong before and what they could improve in the future. And

then

Linking Words

when they get out of prison, the majority of them become good

citizens

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According to

Linking Words

a study at Stanford University in California in 2021, 89% of former convicts successfully reintegrate into society, and 18% of them, have high-responsibility jobs.

Next,

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I think that

oldex-offenders

Correct your spelling

older offenders

who succeed in their reintegration are the best people to talk to teenagers about the

dangers

Use synonyms

of breaking the law. Indeed, those know what they did wrong in their lives, so their testimonies can be very interesting for younger generations.

For example

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last

Linking Words

February, in a French school in Paris, a former detainee came to narrate his history.

According to

Linking Words

a survey, most students realize for the first time how a crime can destroy life.

Moreover

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, the fact that it is a prisoner who talks about the danger, is a way for them to repair, in some way, the infraction that they have committed.

To conclude

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, I agree with both ideas, even if all the prisoners are not, good

citizens

Use synonyms

, after prison

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

the best to sensibilize teenagers about the

dangers

Use synonyms

of committing a crime

santos_dij

Jan 11, 2024

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task achievement

Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to show your overall argument.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure your paragraphs are clearly defined and each has one main idea.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer linking words to connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid small mistakes in grammar and punctuation to improve overall clarity.

positive

You provide interesting examples to support your points.

positive

Your ideas about former prisoners becoming good citizens and being able to talk to teenagers are valuable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweigh is increasing. What are the causes and solutions of this problem.

Today many young people spend too much of thier free time at shopping malls.This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Some people believe that non-academic subjects at school should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?