IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I really, wholeheartedly, entirely agree that
people
Use synonyms
 who go
prison
Change preposition
to prison
show examples
 and change can talk to
Use synonyms
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 about crime. I think
this
Linking Words
 idea
very
Verb problem
is very
show examples
 strong because they know real life, real
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, and they can tell how bad it is.
Use synonyms
Teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
Teenagers
show examples
 listen better when
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
speak
Correct subject-verb agreement
speaks
show examples
 truth from experience, not from
book
Correct article usage
a book
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 who go
prison
Change preposition
to prison
show examples
 may understand
mistake
Correct article usage
the mistake
show examples
after
Rephrase
afterwards
show examples
. They stay
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time alone, think about life, family,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 they do wrong. When they come out, they want
help
Verb problem
to help
show examples
 others
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 do
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. If they talk to
Use synonyms
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 in school or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV, maybe
Use synonyms
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 can think before
do
Verb problem
committing
show examples
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, one man who
go
Wrong verb form
goes to
show examples
 prison for stealing can say “I
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 my family, my freedom, my job” and that can make
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 mind.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
 feel better because they do something good now. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 idea
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 good. They believe
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 trust, and maybe they say wrong things. In the middle of
this
Linking Words
, we can say that sometimes they still
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 change, or
people
Use synonyms
afraid
Verb problem
are afraid
show examples
 of them.
Use synonyms
Teenager
Correct article usage
A teenager
show examples
 may not respect them because of
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
. It can make
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
, and maybe not all
ex-prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
ex-prisoners
show examples
ready
Verb problem
are ready
show examples
 to talk. I genuinely, utterly believe that with control and choice, it can be positive.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can make
system
Correct article usage
a system
show examples
 where only good and honest
ex-prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
ex-prisoners
show examples
 can talk, and police or
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 stay with them.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that some of them
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 good
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 these are outweighed by those who really change and want
save
Verb problem
to save
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 from crime.
This
Linking Words
 way society can be better and more safe.

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improvement
Have a clear start that states your view and what you will talk about. Then give a short plan and end with a short finish.
coherence
Use simple join words to show order and cause, like first, also, but, and finally.
example
Give one or two clear examples and show how they help the teen, not just say
grammar
Fix grammar and keep short, clear sentences. This helps the reader follow.
structure
End with a short conclusion that repeats your main idea.
strength
Your view is clear and you state the idea
strength
You use at least one example from life
strength
You touch on a counter view and give a plan to handle it
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
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