IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in science research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 say that sharing more
information
Use synonyms
 in research , business and education is good
while
Linking Words
 others think some
information
Use synonyms
 is too valuable so it should not be shared openly. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Nowadays ,Technology plays an important role in human life and our life is incomplete without gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as mobile , TVs and computers. The young generation is very active on social media because of
this
Linking Words
 any
information
Use synonyms
 can transfer easily from one person to another person.
For instance
Linking Words
 , a recent survey done by the Times of India revealed that 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 are active on social sites and they are extremely happy to share
information
Use synonyms
 about themselves on sites through posting or on chat with an online friend . Spending more time on social media makes them feel happy .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , Sharing all
information
Use synonyms
 openly can be dangerous too some political leaders want to take advantage of
this
Linking Words
 situation to win in the election.
For example
Linking Words
 , In the Uttar Pradesh riots, some
people
Use synonyms
 were sharing unnecessary fake news on social sites .
As a result
Linking Words
 , other religious
people
Use synonyms
 fumed and it took almost three months to resolve the matter . Everything happened because political leaders were sharing more and more
information
Use synonyms
 on the news.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , In my opinion, sharing all
information
Use synonyms
 is not a good idea because it may affect an individual life or else it may affect globally. The government should take some necessary action to aware
people
Use synonyms
 of not sharing all important
information
Use synonyms
 with strangers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay shows a moderate understanding of task requirements. However, it fails to fully develop the argument for both sides of the issue. It is important to provide a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay could be strengthened. Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to signal the progression of ideas. Clearer topic sentences could be used to improve coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: