IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days many parents want their children to study a second language such as English. Do you think it is important for younger children to study a new language? Do you think schools should teach every student in primary school a second language?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
Use synonyms
English
Correct article usage
the English
show examples
Languange
Correct your spelling
language
 is
an
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a
show examples
 compulsory course that
taught
Add a missing verb
is taught
show examples
 at
school
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since
Correct word choice
from
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 they are young. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why
English
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consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
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as
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apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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important
knowledge
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 to learn and
Rephrase
why i
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that
Use synonyms
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
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 should be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 primary
school
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.
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Correct article usage
A second
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Second
Correct article usage
A second
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language
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, especially
English
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Language
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, is an important
skill
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 that should
obtain
Wrong verb form
be obtained
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 by every
non-
Change the capitalization
non-English
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english
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 speaking
Fix the agreement mistake
citizen
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citizens
Fix the agreement mistake
citizen
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 nowadays.
Thus
Linking Words
, the education system in several countries,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Use synonyms
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
language
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compulsory courses
besides
Linking Words
 the native
language
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. Globalization
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
this
Linking Words
skill
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 essential to have, to make human resources in a country have a competitive advantage compared with others.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
by
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apply
show examples
having
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in
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English
Correct article usage
the English
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language
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help children
for
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apply
show examples
not only compete
in
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at
show examples
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 level
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but international level. When they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grow up and
pursing
Verb problem
pursue
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 their education abroad or start to find a job, they
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
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 with the
English
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Language
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skill
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 requirement. To illustrate, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies currently, require a higher score of
English
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Language
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Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as TOEFL or IELTS.
Therefore
Linking Words
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic
knowledge
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 that already
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 since young, it is
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 for them to
Add a missing verb
be expert
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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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. Aside from
native
Correct article usage
the native
show examples
language
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 that must be taught,
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second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
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also
Linking Words
 can be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 compulsory
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
 to enrich student
knowledge
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. Having a
second
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language
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 and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 it since primary
school
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 could bring several benefits. Student, especially in primary
school
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, are still
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 golden period of their brain development.
Hence
Linking Words
, by
taught
Change the form of the verb
teaching
show examples
 them their native and
second
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language
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 (
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
) around
this
Linking Words
 age, it is more easily for them to absorb the
knowledge
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 and make it a habit.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when they are move to more higher education level,
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second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
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 may not be a hard
studies
Correct the article-noun agreement
study
show examples
 to
deepened
Wrong verb form
deepen
show examples
, as long as they are consistent
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 choosing one
second
Use synonyms
language
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 to expert.
As a result
Linking Words
, in the future, they could get
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
wider opportunities when they want to pursue their
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree or
workfield
Correct your spelling
work field
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the majority of primary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in Indonesia
learn
Wrong verb form
have learned
show examples
Use synonyms
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language
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since on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the first grade. Even though, some
Internatinal
Correct your spelling
international
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 in Indonesia,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 to
delivery
Replace the word
deliver
show examples
 the class. In conclusion, it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
necessary for
Use synonyms
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 should be taught to younger generations to make
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future generations of a country, not left behind. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, remain firmly
convienced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that
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second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
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 should
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
show examples
 since primary
school
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows a basic logical structure; however, it lacks clear paragraphing and progression of ideas. The ideas need to be more clearly separated and developed within distinct paragraphs. Use topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both generally present, but they are not particularly strong. Both could be enhanced by stating the argument more clearly and providing a summary of the main points in the conclusion. Consider revising the introduction and conclusion to more effectively bookend your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay includes main points that support the argument, these points need to be elaborated with more focused examples and explanations. Consider expanding on your ideas with specific examples and providing detailed reasons that support your statements to enhance the quality of your argument.
task achievement
The essay does address the task; however, the response seems incomplete as it fails to delve deeply into the reasons why second language learning is important or how it benefits individuals and society. More development and explanation of these points could improve task achievement.
task achievement
The ideas are somewhat clear but not comprehensive. Aim for a more developed argument and clearer exposition of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it's thoroughly discussed before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
The use of examples is limited, and they are not fully explained or relevant at times. Use specific, relevant examples to support your argument and explain them in detail to illustrate your points effectively and strengthen the response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Globalization
  • Multilingualism
  • Proficiency
  • Fluency
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Language immersion
  • Resource allocation
  • Bilingualism
  • Curriculum
  • Compulsory education
  • Pedagogy
  • Linguistic aptitude
  • Educational policy
  • Extracurricular activities
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