Scientists recommend making it mandatory for children to learn how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#scientists #children #instrument

These two bar charts illustrate the choices

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

made by graduate and postgraduate UK

students

why

Correct word choice

who

show examples

did not find a job after graduation in 2008.

Overall

, the most common destination among graduate and

postgraduates

Change the noun form

postgraduate

show examples

students

was

further

education.

While

few graduates and postgraduates did not get a job because

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

charity work.

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

the majority of

graduates

Change the noun form

graduate

show examples

students

, 17.735, found

a part-time work

Remove the article

part-time work

a part-time job

show examples

and 16.235 people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

were

unemployment

Replace the word

unemployed

show examples

after leaving college.

In addition

, postgraduates were fewer in 2008

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

graduates

Change the noun form

graduate

show examples

students

. Most of them

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

continued to get

degree

Fix the agreement mistake

degrees

show examples

. Other people, 2535 started not full-time jobs.

Submitted by dulskywork on Thu Jan 11 2024

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coherence cohesion

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coherence cohesion

The response lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential in framing the essay's main points and providing a fitting summary or final thought, respectively. The writer should work on including these elements to properly introduce and conclude the essay.

coherence cohesion

Main points are inadequately supported, lacking detail and development. Future essays should expand on key points with specific details, examples, or explanations to provide a more convincing and informative response.

task achievement

The essay fails to fully address the given task, with a response that is incomplete or not directly related to the task. Future attempts should ensure to meet all the requirements of the task by answering all parts of the question and staying on topic throughout the essay.

task achievement

The development of clear and comprehensive ideas is insufficient, impacting the reader's understanding of the essay's purpose and message. More focus should be placed on developing each point clearly and thoroughly, avoiding vague statements.

task achievement

The use of relevant and specific examples is lacking and impacts the overall strength and credibility of the essay. To improve, the writer should incorporate appropriate examples that directly support the main points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

98 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

mandatory
musical instrument
brain development
language acquisition
mathematical skills
foster
discipline
perseverance
cultural appreciation
emotional expression
practical constraints
financial limitations
elective
social cohesion
ensemble
brain plasticity
curriculum
negative association
passion for music
talent cultivation

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Scientists recommend making it mandatory for children to learn how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having one language in the world?

Companies should try to make their workers satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people cannot read or write. What problems does this cause? What measures can governments take to solve these problems?

Global warming is one of the biggest threat to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there to solve this problem?

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home. Do you agree or disagree?