Scientists recommend making it mandatory for children to learn how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These two bar charts illustrate the choices
were
made by graduate and postgraduate UK Unnecessary verb
apply
students
why
did not find a job after graduation in 2008.
Correct word choice
who
Overall
, the most common destination among graduate and postgraduates
Change the noun form
postgraduate
students
was further
education. While
few graduates and postgraduates did not get a job because their
charity work.
Change preposition
of their
Moreover
the majority of Add a comma
Moreover,
graduates
Change the noun form
graduate
students
, 17.735, found a part-time work
and 16.235 people Remove the article
part-time work
a part-time job
who
were Correct pronoun usage
apply
unemployment
after leaving college.
Replace the word
unemployed
In addition
, postgraduates were fewer in 2008 compare
to Wrong verb form
compared
graduates
Change the noun form
graduate
students
. Most of them were
continued to get Unnecessary verb
apply
degree
. Other people, 2535 started not full-time jobs.Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
Submitted by dulskywork on
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coherence cohesion
The response exhibits a faulty attempt at logical structure, with ideas presented in a somewhat haphazard manner. Effort should be made to present information in a clear, logical sequence, focusing on how points relate to each other to create a cohesive argument or narrative.
coherence cohesion
The response lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential in framing the essay's main points and providing a fitting summary or final thought, respectively. The writer should work on including these elements to properly introduce and conclude the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are inadequately supported, lacking detail and development. Future essays should expand on key points with specific details, examples, or explanations to provide a more convincing and informative response.
task achievement
The essay fails to fully address the given task, with a response that is incomplete or not directly related to the task. Future attempts should ensure to meet all the requirements of the task by answering all parts of the question and staying on topic throughout the essay.
task achievement
The development of clear and comprehensive ideas is insufficient, impacting the reader's understanding of the essay's purpose and message. More focus should be placed on developing each point clearly and thoroughly, avoiding vague statements.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is lacking and impacts the overall strength and credibility of the essay. To improve, the writer should incorporate appropriate examples that directly support the main points being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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