In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?
Nowadays, the majority of people in the world suffer from starvation
while
we have witnessed agricultural advancement. In my opinion, progressing in agriculture isn't
enough to provide food
for all people and we need to improve food
transportation, and all areas
should be able to exploit this
advancement. In this
essay, I will discuss reasons and solutions for this
issue.
I believe that the existence of new facilities isn't
enough to feed a great deal of folks, and other aspects should be considered. Firstly
, Numerous roads aren't
sufficient for transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
food
and decent vehicles Change preposition
of food
such
as trucks and trains should be provided in order to receive products
faster before they get spoiled or ruined. Secondly
, agricultural products
should be maintained in good condition in storage for a long time to be able to be used at any time. For example
, in my country, many products
have been infested by rodents due to
Correct article usage
a lack
lack
of sufficient storage. Correct article usage
a lack
Finally
, agriculture is usually implemented in rural areas
and suburbs where farmers
are still utilizing traditional methods. Traditional methods are slow and lower products
can be produced through them so despite a myriad of difficulties farmers
have endured they aren't
satisfied with their incomes. Thus
, all areas
from cultivating products
to distributing them should be facilitated.
However
, there are many useful ways to tackle this
problem and I will refer to two main of them. One of the major solutions is that roads with strong infrastructure should be built and the latest vehicle used to boost the rate of distribution and transformation of food
. Also
, all rural areas
must be equipped with the latest amenities and strategies regarding agriculture consequently
, the more farmers
' income will increase and the more they are encouraged to continue farming and cause economic growth. Therefore
, the amount of food
production would increase, more individuals could survive and the percentage of disease and fatality due to
starvation would decrease.
In conclusion, if we want to rescue hungry individuals, we should consider diverse aspects such
as transportation, storage, and farmers
' benefits, and not just focus on agricultural equipment.Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure; however, it lacks clear paragraphing with distinct ideas in each paragraph. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, introduced by a topic sentence, and followed by supporting sentences that relate directly to the topic at hand.
coherence cohesion
You have presented an introduction and conclusion, but these could be stronger. Make sure that the introduction provides a clear thesis statement that outlines the essay's direction. The conclusion should recap the main points without adding new ideas, effectively summarising the essay's argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points have been provided but need to be supported with more developed explanations and relevant examples. Adding specific examples or data can enrich your argument and make it more persuasive. This practice will help demonstrate your ability to explore ideas in depth and provide evidence for your claims.
task achievement
You've partially answered the prompt but your response needs to more fully address the questions posed. You should explicitly answer why, despite agricultural advances, people go hungry and propose comprehensive solutions. Expand on these reasons and solutions with further details to demonstrate full task achievement.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but lack comprehensiveness. Focus on expanding your ideas to show a full understanding of the topic. This could involve discussing the broader implications of the points you make or considering other potential factors contributing to the problem.
task achievement
You need to include more relevant specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be directly related to the prompt and provide clear evidence or illustrations of your points. Using hypothetical or real-world situations can greatly increase the strength of your response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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