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Writing Samples
Band 5

in today;s world many people own a smartphone. do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages.

#world #people #smartphone
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Nowadays, nearly everyone owns a smartphone
although
 they can help people by facilitating communication,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits
due to
 they harm human minds and characters‏. The main reason society owns personal mobile is to gain dollars .Working online is an easy way to have some cash, and it has helped a lot of men and women. And , humans prefer having, more than one money resource.
For example
, cash earned from online business by phones had increased by 45% in the year 2021.
However
,I believe that any online business will not grow because of liars opening accounts to steal bank accounts from customers. The more that there are good sides to buying a phone the much it puts society at serious risk. Many young teenagers don't the enough knowledge of the smart world, there are many, apps that hack phones and steal people's photos and private pieces of information with one click.
For example
, in the United States, nearly 65% of citizens were scammed and blackmailed by hackers who stole their private information. Getting a better knowledge of using mobiles is so Important to save details and secrets . I am of the opinion that using electric devices randomly has too many drawbacks. In conclusion,
although
 it might be having a smartphone might have many benefits, one must consider the way and attitude in using it can lead humans to face blackmail
for
this
 reason,the negatives outnumber the positives.
Submitted by ghad17172002 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summary of your argument in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing your points more comprehensively. Expand on examples and explain how they support your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraph structure to organize your ideas clearly, with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence in each.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on linking words and phrases to establish clear connections between ideas for better readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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