IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is sometimes said that people who think only about themselves are happier because they get what they want. Others say that selfish people have no friends and are usually lonely. Why do you think some people act selfishly? Is it good to be selfish?

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It is argued that someone who only care about themselves are happier
due to
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 have everything they want.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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others
Use synonyms
 think that
people
Use synonyms
 with selfish
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 usually
feels
Change the verb form
feel
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 alone because no one
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be their friend. My
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not in line with
this
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 statement, and there are two opinions to support my statements. First of all, we often directly judge a person as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selfish, because we use our personal
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 to define what kind of person they are. Before
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 a judgement, it is better to learn deeply about him or her.
For Instance
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, we might
be thinks
Wrong verb form
think
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 that our mate is selfish because they never contributed his money whenever we hang around together. But, when we check the
fact
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facts
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, we know the truth that our mate is an orphan and his money is very limited, that’s why he will manage his expenditure carefully.
In other words
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, try to understand
others
Use synonyms
 before deciding
Use synonyms
Change preposition
on others
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others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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 nature.
Secondly
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, the generation in
this
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 modern time especially the
milenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
Millenials
 love to use the word “logic”
instead
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 of “selfish”. It is fair enough to secure the resources to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 our needs
first
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,
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apply
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 before
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others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
needs
Change the verb form
need
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.
This
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 kind of logical thinking is accepted by most of society,
while
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 the rest of
people
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 believe that’s
the
Correct article usage
a
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 form of selfishness.
For example
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, I will feed my family first before I think about
otherselves
Correct your spelling
others
. That act of service is rational, and it is totally not selfish. In conclusion,
selfish
Replace the word
selfishness
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people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 real and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be found
in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere, despite we can not conclude
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 someone is selfish or not after
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to learn more about their
charateristics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
.
Also
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many times
people
Use synonyms
judged
Add a missing verb
are judged
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selfish
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 even in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
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 they just act rationally.
Therefore
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,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
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 is more important
that
Correct word choice
than
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attempt
Wrong verb form
attempting
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 to value
others
Use synonyms

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay needs a clear introduction stating the writer's opinion followed by a structured development of ideas, and a conclusion that summarizes the arguments.
Paragraph Development
Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea in detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring your essay has logical progression where one idea smoothly transitions to the next. Use cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and discourse markers to help with this.
Supporting Examples
Each main point should be supported by relevant, specific examples or evidence, which your essay is currently lacking. Provide facts, statistics, real-life examples or quotes to substantiate your arguments.
Task Response
Your response to both questions must be complete and comprehensive. Take care to answer all parts of the question directly and fully, ensuring your position is clear throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-preservation
  • Individualistic
  • Empathy
  • Altruism
  • Short-sighted
  • Isolation
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Community cohesion
  • Long-term satisfaction
  • Meaningful connections
  • Social fabric
What to do next:
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