IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information relating to the average number of British travelers using car, bus and train to commute on a daily basis over a period of 6 decades, starting from 1970.

The line graph gives information relating to the average number of British travelers using car, bus and train to commute on a daily basis over a period of 6 decades, starting from 1970.
#line #information #british #travelers #car #bus #train #basis #period #decades
The provided line graph shows the information about the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 number of
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. In general, it is clear from the graph that the rate of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
British
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 using
Add an article
the car
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 was the highest trend daily during a period of 6 decades from 1970 to 2030.
According to
 what was
showing
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
, the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 of number commuters who were using
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 daily was slowly decreasing from 1970 to 2030 and they will be the lowest popular trend in 2030 in
British
 around about 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the average of
British
 people who were using
train
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 from 1970 to 2000 around about half
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
. What is more, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 no change in the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 of it during 10 years from 2000 to 2010.
Then
 , it was suddenly climbing up from 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 from 2010 to 2030
while
 it was the lowest
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 in 1970 about 2.5 million. For more details, the rate number of
British
 people using car was a biggest about 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 than using train or bus in 1970. It was rapidly increasing from 1980 to 2000 and from 2010 to 2030.
Submitted by m on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words avarage, british, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: