Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, many scientists or researchers use
animals
in order to ensure the safety products
or medicines. Change preposition
of products
While
the
others argue that Correct article usage
apply
this
is a good way to protect us, I believe that this
experiment need
to be stopped.
On the one hand, it is evident that testing products Change the verb form
needs
throughout
Change preposition
on
animals
are
the best way before selling Correct subject-verb agreement
is
it
to Correct pronoun usage
them
public
. Correct article usage
the public
In addition
, prototype products such
as cosmetics or medicines contain a lot of nature that can make us encounter a
Correct article usage
apply
dangerious
Correct your spelling
dangerous
situation
, but because of the Fix the agreement mistake
situations
animals
, we can avoid high risks. To illustrate, research reveals that 25% of experiments in this
world creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
ilness
that Correct your spelling
illness
human
could get. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
As a result
, diseases that
related to our skin could be avoided.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, animals
are living things where they have Correct article usage
the rights
rights
to live. Particular living Fix the agreement mistake
right
animals
that has
been used for testing tend to feel sick. Their suffering does not give them advantages at all Change the verb form
have
while
humans who choose them as a subject can get many positive impacts. Rabbit species are one of the animals
that are famous for being a
Correct article usage
apply
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
for
doing experiments. Change preposition
of
This
recent news shows that many hospitals used them as a purpose to try new medicines. If this
testing would get
Verb problem
is
succed
, the Correct your spelling
successful
richer
might get a lot of money. Correct word choice
rich
This
is why humanity begins to lose.
In conclusion, although
there are benefits for
letting Change preposition
to
animals
to
do experiments, they Change the verb form
apply
feel
suffer during Verb problem
apply
a
testing which means Remove the article
apply
its
not true Replace the word
it's
it is
for doing
Change preposition
to do
that
actions to them.Correct determiner usage
those
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task achievement
You have recognized the requirement of the task to discuss both views and give your own opinion. However, your essay lacks a clear and comprehensive breakdown of these views. Each viewpoint could be more thoroughly explained, with clearer topic sentences and fuller development of the supporting ideas.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and a conclusion, both could be strengthened. Your introduction should more accurately paraphrase the question and present a clear thesis statement. Your conclusion should summarize the points made and restate your opinion, providing a clear end to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay needs improvement. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting details that are directly relevant to the task.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples can help illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive. You've provided a general statement about research percentages and rabbit experiments, but more specific details and sources could enhance the credibility of your claims.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example