IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Housing wastage in big cities can cause severe social consequences.Some people think only government action can solve this problem.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#wastage #cities #consequences #people #government #action
Depicted in the bar chart is the data that shows a comparison amongst the number of deaths caused by six
diseases
such
 as AIDS, Leproxy, tropical
diseases
,
diarrhea
Change the spelling
diarrhoea
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, and
TB
. The presented graph describes data from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research that was observed in Someland in 1990. Graphically, one can observe that
,
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apply
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TB
 had the highest amount of deaths with nearly two
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people.
In contrast
 to Leprosy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 only had less than 500 thousand deaths in 1990. The highest number of humans passed other than
TB
 was Diarrhea with 500 thousand people which was nowhere near half of
TB
. From the results of the research above, we can see that between AIDS and Tropical
diseases
, Tropical
diseases
 and Malaria, Malaria and
TB
, had the same gap with approximately 100 thousand.
On the other hand
, we can
also
 figure that the highest gap was between
TB
 and Leprosy with more than one million
of
Change preposition
apply
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men.
Submitted by helma.devina on

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task achievement
The essay fails to address the prompt, which is about housing wastage in big cities. Instead, it provides data analysis of a bar chart on a completely different topic (disease-related deaths). The task response is entirely off-topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of logical structure throughout the essay. The response discusses statistical data related to diseases and deaths rather than housing issues. Consequently, it does not fulfill the requirements for coherence and cohesion in relation to the given topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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