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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant,

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant,
#shops #numer #coutry #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line charts depict
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
store
Use synonyms
 shops that closed and
open
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
throughout
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of both shops closing and opening relatively
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 since in the first
year
Use synonyms
. In terms of the
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
Use synonyms
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
, approximately 6.200
Use synonyms
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
 closed in the first
year
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure incline slightly to the peak
number
Use synonyms
 over than 7.000
store
Use synonyms
. In the next 2 years, the
number
Use synonyms
 of closed stores just dropped to the lowest amount below 1.000.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the closed
store
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
jumped to 5.000 in 2016
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 steadily until
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the opening shop
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest amount in the first
year
Use synonyms
. The data presented shows that opened shops just falls to 4.000
Use synonyms
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
 in the next
year
Use synonyms
. Even though the shop had risen to the peak of the amount of the opening
store
Use synonyms
 in one country.
Then
Linking Words
, approximately 4.000
Use synonyms
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
had been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 opened in 2015
then
Linking Words
 relatively stable throughout three years. By the end of the period, the opening
store
Use synonyms
 just declined to the lowest
number
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by muhammad.alwan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, store, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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