IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business option. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #impact #business #option
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A controversial argument has arisen between two views, the first one believes that it holds various merits,
while
 the other one disagrees with that. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides of
this
 conflict, and
then
 allow me
to conclude
 my point of view. On the one hand, it has increased the biodiversity in many countries.
For example
, in the past, it was impossible to plant a variety of vegetables
as well as
 fruits in KSA, but, now, many types of yields are available:
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, the kingdom's economy rapidly increased.
Besides
 that, many companies are able to gain more profits because there are many new opportunities.
Also
, many reports show that some countries
such
 as Japan, KSA, and UAE attract more visitors because of having many tourist attractions which depend on the
climate
.
On the other hand
, it has reduced the profits of many companies. For
further
 explanation, many companies
such
 as Aramoco, depend on working in outside fields, but after the
climate
 change, they cannot
work
 daily, and they look for new methods to
work
 inside the foundation, which are useless for
such
 a company.
Moreover
, many people share on social media that they cannot
work
 now because of that, so many workers
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 unemployed.
In addition
, many workers acknowledge that they cannot
work
 because the weather is unpredictable, so it is extremely dangerous for them to
work
. In conclusion,
although
climate
 change is helpful, useful, and beneficial, it, indeed, holds many demerits
such
 as being unpredictable, dangerous, and useless.
However
, I believe that
climate
 change has a negative impact on business.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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task achievement
Consider adding more varied and detailed examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing how climate change impacts businesses, you could look at specific sectors beyond agriculture and tourism.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Instead of briefly touching on points, delve deeper into how climate change affects businesses and why certain sectors might benefit or suffer.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical structure of your paragraphs. Transition phrases and connectors can help to make your argument more fluid and easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion nicely.
complete response
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a personal opinion, making it a comprehensive response to the prompt.
relevant specific examples
The essay uses specific examples, such as the situation in KSA and companies like Aramco, which helps to illustrate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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