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Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past when students did a university degree, they tennded to study their own country. Nowdays , they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#students #university #study #country #nowdays #opportunity #development
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A long time ago learners used to do tertiary school in their
orignal
Correct your spelling
original
 country whilst, these days they have more access to study overseas as
this
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have
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has
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 got many benefits
such
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 as good standards of living and high salaries.
However
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, they are
also
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 demerits of learning in a foreign land as they will be communication barriers
as well as
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 cultural
differences
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. In the present
day
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day,
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 people now choose to study in another nation because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 salaries that attract them.
This
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 is a positive development because it
allow
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allows
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 humans to live a good quality life with a lot of money that covers all the basic expenses and luxurious expenses.
Furthermore
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,another merit of
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 abroad
that is
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 an upshot is that it allows one to have exposure.Attending school in a different country allows one to have opportunities to interact with others thereby interacting with different people gives us chances to have exposure and
analyzing
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analyse
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 things from many
perspective
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perspectives
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.
However
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are drawbacks
of
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to
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 studying abroad as you will be more likely to face problems
such
Linking Words
 as language barriers and cultural
differences
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.In a foreign
land
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land,
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 one can encounter some
differences
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 culture because of different societal values and norms. In conclusion, back
then
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students used to learn in a local university whilst, in the present day people visit other nations for learning purposes
this
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 is a growth that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 advantages as students can get employment with better salaries abroad
as well as
Linking Words
 exposure.
Neverthelses
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are negatives of studying
international
Change the word
internationally
show examples
 as you may face problems
such
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 as language
barrier
Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
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 and cultural
differences
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least 2-3 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The relationship between ideas could be made clearer, and try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the connectivity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that you cover both advantages and disadvantages with balance. Your essay should present a more detailed exposition with elaboration and clear, specific examples and explanations to demonstrate thorough understanding and depth of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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