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Band 5

Nowadays more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the solutions for this problem?

#people #children #life
It is undeniable that
people
 are putting some important decisions on hold these days
due to
 their hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 and
also
Rephrase
apply
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giving birth has become a later decision
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in
people
's lives. I will discuss the reasons
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
people
 decide to have a child in later life
as well as
 some remedies to tackle
this
 obstacle in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 and foremost reason
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 having
children
 in later life is inflation.
This
 means that market prices and
education
 budgets have been increased in these
years
 and
people
 are not strong
financially
Rephrase
enough financially
show examples
 to fulfill their needs
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they are not able to pay school fees in earlier
years
 of marriage. In Africa,
for example
,
couple
Add an article
the couple
a couple
show examples
 decides to have a baby after four
years
 of marriage as they start allocating money in earlier
years
 of marriage to provide a good
education
 to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 times.
Hence
,
children
's demands are 60% higher than
previous
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in previous
show examples
 generations,
therefore
, parents have to work more
years
 to reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that level so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a child. To mitigate
this
 problem,
this
 issue requires the intervention of the government because if inflation is decreased
then
 stress might be reduced in
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 life and
people
 would work
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hours and can think about
children
 in earlier
years
.
Secondly
, providing free
education
 until secondary school assists parents to not
concerning
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 about
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 burden of their
children
then
 they will be excited to increase family members because they would not have any worries about expensive tuition fees.
In addition
 to
this
, medical services must
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 women about certain ages of pregnancy as if ladies opt to have a baby after
thirty five
Add a hyphen
thirty-five
show examples
years
then
 there could be some complications in
this
 process. In conclusion,
although
 higher costs of products and school fees are the cause of
delay
Fix the agreement mistake
delays
show examples
 in pregnancy
but
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apply
show examples
these obstacles can be mitigated by providing awareness about it
as well as
 reducing costs of everything and assisting
people
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 expenses by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

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task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. The question asks for both reasons and solutions, and while you provided both, the solutions could be more developed and connected back to the reasons.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly. Introduce your main points in your introduction, and have paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Use specific examples that directly support your points. While you mention Africa and the government, you could strengthen your argument by providing concrete examples or data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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