IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?

#prison #system #criminals #felons #crimes #address
Although
 the people who
committ
Correct your spelling
commit
with
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apply
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 have been caught
into
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in
show examples
prison
, most of them still do the same fault after getting free from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
.
This
 essay will answer how the problems of
this
 trend could
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happen
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happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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 and
followed
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follow
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by
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apply
show examples
the steps that are needed. There are various reasons why the wrongdoers still make a deal with the crime.
The first
Correct article usage
First
show examples
 and foremost, their behaviour already
got
Verb problem
apply
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encourage
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encouraged
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with
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by
show examples
 the bad one since they are affected by other felons as they share the same room with them.
As a result
, their awareness to follow the law and ethics in real life
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 disappeared. If one of them
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 a resentment of their
room mate
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roommate
show examples
,
for instance
, there is a possibility that one of the criminals to engage the others to do
a revenge
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revenge
an act of revenge
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. The authorities must
be conduct
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conduct
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 the classes with some positive activities for the felons to renew their understanding
about
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of
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 the norms and ethics in society.
Moreover
, they will
could
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apply
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strongly find back the meaning of life so that they can
life
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live
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 normally as good citizens. To
illlustrate
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illustrate
,
class
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the class
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 of religion might be held by the authority in the
prison
.
In addition
, more quality time for the wrongdoers to meet their
family
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families
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 is required to boost
this
 effort. In conclusion, the reason why the criminals still have a willingness to break the law is because
the
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of the
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 exposure from other felons that develop into their
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 even though they already have been punished.
Therefore
, conducting positive
clasess
Correct your spelling
classes
 for them
while
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
 and
having
Verb problem
giving them
show examples
 more time to meet family have been purposed to do by the authorities.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's coherence could significantly improve by ensuring the logical sequence of ideas and avoiding abrupt jumps between points, which can be achieved by crafting more cohesive linking expressions and clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
An effective introduction and conclusion are crucial. The introduction should clearly state the problem & thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information. Both were present but lacked clarity and precision.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details. This essay requires elaboration on the problems and solutions by providing concrete and relevant examples to support the arguments. Doing so demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and enhances the essay's persuasiveness.
task achievement
To ensure the response is complete, directly address all parts of the task's prompt throughout the essay. This includes a balanced discussion on both the problems of the prison system and the recommendations for improvements, with equal development for each.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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