Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In contemporary society, pursuing a higher education is believed to reign supreme in popularity,
however
recent years institutions witnessed an unbalance in gender distribution in certain majors
. Since it is unequally diffuse; therefore
, some people
are of the opinion that universities and institutions should alter the way that they take on students which needs to be more varied in gender diversity in order to give opportunities to people
and allow them to perform their abilities in their favourite major. Personally, I do agree with the conviction, the reasons to support my opinion will be given in this
essay and it will present a plausible conclusion for this
issue.
First and foremost, it is not fair for people
who are not allowed to engage in the major which they find appeals to them the most. What I mean by this
is that even though some certain majors
, appear to have only women, or it is believed to be women's duties, it still requires people
of all ages and genders
who are strongly passionate about their jobs and implement them with a positive attitude. For instance
, nurse positions back in time were believed to be women's duty in hospitals, nowadays there are a few male nurses whose performance is even more professional compared to female nurses. Since individuals do the major and occupation that they are passionate about; therefore
, it brings a tremendously beneficial effect.
Moreover
, introducing various diversity of genders
in one major might assist in developing students' mental health and it might even benefit their abilities in academic journeys. It is undeniable that the more enrichment in diversity, the more issues will be figured out; therefore
, it allows learners to accommodate the initial questions and withdraw some valuable lessons proactively . This
means that learners not only learn from their tutors and school but also
receive priceless experiences from their peers. For example
, the shift in genders
might create distinctly different thoughts. Therefore
, it is essential for learners to allot the ideas together. At times, going through lectures with colleagues might be more efficient as compared to being with their professors.
In conclusion, everything can be recapitulated into the fact that it is crucial for universities to make changes to this
increasing trend in majors
at school. I do believe that an equal distribution of genders
in majors
will result in a rise of future seasoned and passionate workersSubmitted by thinhatvypham127 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does lack a clear and logical progression of ideas. It is important that paragraphs are well-structured and that ideas smoothly transition from one to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices to better link your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure an effective introduction and conclusion are present. Your introduction should more clearly state your thesis and outline the essay's points, while your conclusion should succinctly wrap up your arguments and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clearer and more developed arguments. While you do provide relevant examples, you could explain them more thoroughly and show how they directly support your main argument. This will help strengthen your position on the topic.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task, there's room for improvement in fully responding to the prompt. Ensure your arguments comprehensively address the statement and offer a balanced view if necessary. You would benefit from more directly discussing potential counterarguments and weighing them against your own views.
task achievement
Clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas can be improved. Aim for precision in your language and ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea that is directly related to the question posed in the task.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and elaborate on them further. This is important for illustrating your points and making your essay more convincing. Ensure the examples are directly relevant to the prompt and clearly linked to the points they are supposed to support.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.