At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

Demoghraphy

Correct your spelling

Demography

is an essential part of a society in order to

managing

Change the verb

manage

show examples

the resources and

planing

Correct your spelling

planning

show examples

for

future

Correct article usage

the future

show examples

of a community. Nowadays, the green population form the majority of nations,

this

situation

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

pros and cons which will be discussed in

this

essay. On the one hand, the

eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

elders

have been working for years,

thus

they have more experience and ability

Correct your spelling

overcome

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

challenges, compared to the youngsters

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

all have less practical

practise

Replace the word

practice

show examples

Correct article usage

the work

show examples

work space

Correct your spelling

workspace

show examples

. A

further

negative effect is the lack of job opportunities for

considerable

Change the article

a considerable

the considerable

show examples

number of students graduating from universities,

competieng

Correct your spelling

competing

to find careers in the job market.

Therefore

, a significant number of them would be unemployed and derive into crimes and

robbery

Fix the agreement mistake

robberies

show examples

due to

having financial problems. The authorities may prefer to work with old individuals as they are more effective in doing a task and not expecting rises in

salarys

Correct your spelling

salaries

salary

however

, the younger employees are expecting high revenue in their initial

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

, despite the probable mistakes.

On the other hand

, communities with a younger percentage of members are more likely to progress faster, as they would have good

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

forces which are more physically active and enthusiastic about learning new things, and

also

trying to

strength

Replace the word

strengthen

show examples

their position.

Secondly

, the new generation

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

in-depth knowledge about technology, and

this

leads to working faster and

pricese

Correct your spelling

prices

precise

for instance

, an architect is able to design a building with a computer in more

detaild

Correct your spelling

detail

detailed

and in a day,

however

, in the past engineers spent days to draw their ideas on papers. In conclusion,

although

elderies

Correct your spelling

elderlies

elders

have more

awarenss

Correct your spelling

awareness

and knowledge about their work,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

they can help the next generation by sharing experiments. It seems that the

positise

Correct your spelling

positive

effects of having young and fresh members in society outweigh its disadvantages.

Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on Fri Jan 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

It is crucial to ensure that the essay maintains a clear position throughout the response. While you presented both sides of the argument, your thesis statement could be more explicitly defined to guide readers as to whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

task achievement

Make sure to elaborate on each idea with specific examples to support your arguments. Providing concrete examples gives strength to your points and makes your essay more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability. Complex sentences and a wider use of conjunctions can improve the flow of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Check the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Errors such as 'demoghraphy' instead of 'demography', 'eldery' instead of 'elderly', and 'pricese' instead of 'precise' can negatively impact the professionalism of the essay.

task achievement

Remember to stay on topic and focus on how the advantages might outweigh the disadvantages. This will tighten the coherence of the essay and enhance task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are integral to the structure of the essay. The conclusion should reiterate your main argument and summarize the points discussed. It should also be clear and concise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In the future, all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
The technologies of transportation vehicles have been developed to be driverless which will drive people to travel without any human driver anymore. The public has looked for the benefits of this technology, while some others still argue that it will have some disadvantages. I strongly believe that the disadvantage of driverless outweighs the advantages.
6
band
Sending spacecraft and astronauts into space is very expensive. It would be better for governments to use the money spent on space exploration to improve the quality of life on Earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Rapid advancement in technology in the modern world expands the possibility to improve the quality of life on Earth in future. While some people support that financial investment in space exploration should be made by governments, I generally disagree with this idea for the following reasons.
4
band
In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?
Few young people perform or attend classical music concerts in certain countries. This is because they follow the modern era, where people tend to listen to modern music. They need to learn and take part in traditional music, so make them appreciate it.
8.5
band
A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He/She has ask for your advice. write a letter to your friednd.in your letter explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday describe some possible disadvantages say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer
I know that you have decided to join the camping group to spend your summer vacation and you asked my opinion about that. You know that I went camping a couple of times and, to be honest, I should say that it was really enjoyable. But don’t forget to consider some points while choosing the group that you are going with. The one that I joined, had a really supportive leader and she was constantly checking everything from the status of our accommodation to the places that we wanted to go to. Also, she was really sensitive about choosing the people who were joining the team as she believed that good accompanies can make a camping memory memorable or horrible, and I should say that I totally agree with her. Everything was absolutely nice except not having a toilet which was kind of torturing for me as well as sleeping outside that I couldn’t feel safe with. Considering all these points, I still tend to attend another camping as the negative points could not stop me from enjoying the mom...
5
band
Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It argued that homeschooling for the toddlers is the best option in comparison with send them to the kindergarten. In my personal opinion, attending actual kindergarten is the best option for children in their early childhood for two main reasons. First, conventional kindergarten is much more efficient in budget. Then, the needs for socialization which an important factor for youngster mental development only can be fulfilled by attending kindergarten.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the future, all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Sending spacecraft and astronauts into space is very expensive. It would be better for governments to use the money spent on space exploration to improve the quality of life on Earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.