At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Demoghraphy
is an essential part of a society in order to Correct your spelling
Demography
managing
the resources and Change the verb
manage
planing
for Correct your spelling
planning
future
of a community. Nowadays, the green population form the majority of nations, Correct article usage
the future
this
situation have
pros and cons which will be discussed in Change the verb form
has
this
essay.
On the one hand, the eldery
have been working for years, Correct your spelling
elderly
elders
thus
they have more experience and ability ro
overcome Correct your spelling
to
the
challenges, compared to the youngsters Correct article usage
apply
which
all have less practical Correct pronoun usage
who
practise
in Replace the word
practice
Correct article usage
the work
work space
. A Correct your spelling
workspace
further
negative effect is the lack of job opportunities for considerable
number of students graduating from universities, Change the article
a considerable
the considerable
competieng
to find careers in the job market. Correct your spelling
competing
Therefore
, a significant number of them would be unemployed and derive into crimes and robbery
Fix the agreement mistake
robberies
due to
having financial problems. The authorities may prefer to work with old individuals as they are more effective in doing a task and not expecting rises in salarys
, Correct your spelling
salaries
salary
however
, the younger employees are expecting high revenue in their initial works
, despite the probable mistakes.
Fix the agreement mistake
work
On the other hand
, communities with a younger percentage of members are more likely to progress faster, as they would have good labor
forces which are more physically active and enthusiastic about learning new things, and Change the spelling
labour
also
trying to strength
their position. Replace the word
strengthen
Secondly
, the new generation have
in-depth knowledge about technology, and Change the verb form
has
this
leads to working faster and pricese
, Correct your spelling
prices
precise
for instance
, an architect is able to design a building with a computer in more detaild
and in a day, Correct your spelling
detail
detailed
however
, in the past engineers spent days to draw their ideas on papers.
In conclusion, although
elderies
have more Correct your spelling
elderlies
elders
awarenss
and knowledge about their work, Correct your spelling
awareness
but
they can help the next generation by sharing experiments. It seems that the Remove the conjunction
apply
positise
effects of having young and fresh members in society outweigh its disadvantages.Correct your spelling
positive
Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on
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task achievement
It is crucial to ensure that the essay maintains a clear position throughout the response. While you presented both sides of the argument, your thesis statement could be more explicitly defined to guide readers as to whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on each idea with specific examples to support your arguments. Providing concrete examples gives strength to your points and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability. Complex sentences and a wider use of conjunctions can improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Check the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Errors such as 'demoghraphy' instead of 'demography', 'eldery' instead of 'elderly', and 'pricese' instead of 'precise' can negatively impact the professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
Remember to stay on topic and focus on how the advantages might outweigh the disadvantages. This will tighten the coherence of the essay and enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are integral to the structure of the essay. The conclusion should reiterate your main argument and summarize the points discussed. It should also be clear and concise.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
