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Band 4

In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
In the upcoming years, the prime cause for visiting shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 will be just for pleasure, not to purchase products. I totally agree with the notion
due to
 alternative platforms and more convenient. To commence with the view of agreement that buyers find a discounted price
elsewhere
. To explain it, In
this
 technological era more and more individuals use smartphones and they compare item prices online
as well as
 in physical stores.
Moreover
, Online brands provide a variety of products
along with
 huge discounts.
For Instance
, a survey conducted by Oxford University proves that 75% of shoppers check product prices and discounts online,
then
 decide to buy something.
Furthermore
, many people tend to shop from websites, as store owners give doorstep delivery free of cost. To elaborate, Nowadays brands offer easy returns and free delivery to customers across the nation.
This
 type of
convince
Replace the word
convincing
show examples
 attracts potential buyers and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 they will get more sales .
For Example
, a headline of The Times Of India shows that 65 out of 100 online shoppers purchase products through websites and get quick delivery.
As a result
, shoppers get more convenient services from the brands.
To conclude
, Individuals
attract
Wrong verb form
are attracted
show examples
 towards low prices with the same quality of the product not only, but
also
 eventually they will feel a good shopping experience.
Submitted by birenp046 on

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coherence cohesion
There is a lack of a clearly defined introduction and conclusion, and the essay does not exhibit a strong logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
While the essay presents a consistent response to the task with examples, it fails to fully develop and elaborate on all aspects of the prompt.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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