IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.

the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.
#developments #place #bookstore
The map displays developments, which took place in the
book store
Correct your spelling
bookstore
show examples
 between 2000 and now. In
bookstore
Correct article usage
the bookstore
show examples
 in 2000
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
two
section
Change to a plural noun
sections
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fiction
Add an article
the Fiction
show examples
section
. But now there is no
Fiction
section
.
Fiction
section
's first
section
 had changed to art, hobbies, cookery,
fiction
Correct word choice
and fiction
show examples
 sections and
second
Add an article
the second
a second
show examples
section
 of
Fiction
 had changed to
non-
Correct article usage
the non-fiction
show examples
fiction
section
, meanwhile
section
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the servise
show examples
servise
Correct your spelling
service
 desk, travel,
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 books did not change at all. They replaced art, hobbies,
cookery
Correct word choice
and cookery
show examples
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the tables. That means they needed more
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to sit and read. The
visitosr
Correct your spelling
visitors
visitor
 needed
place
Add an article
a place
show examples
 to have their lunch
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Overall
, there are 4 sections that had changed,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 3 sections like travel,new books and service desk did not changes at all. As we can see the bookstore
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 totally changed since 2000, we can notice how
visitors
Change noun form
visitors'
visitor's
show examples
preferens
Correct your spelling
preferences
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 changed
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2000 and now.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words section, fiction with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • depicts
  • changes
  • occurred
  • transformations
  • developments
  • span
  • visual
  • comparison
  • illustrates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: