Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, the general populace is more likely to be satisfied with all
situations
in their life
, even terrible circumstances. Meanwhile, some people
stand on this
problem, meaning that they can’t accept a bad situation and take the bull by the horns to improve this
event. From my perspective, I see eye to eye with those {good} who believe that should strive to better these situations
. In this
essay, I’m going to explain fully about the details.
On the one hand, some people
are pleased with everything that life
brings to them. Because they think that taking chances is risky and can cause some problems. Therefore
, they persistently cling to the notion that if they are willing to accept bad circumstances, at least they may feel safer and happier. In plain reality, there are quite a few people
who are apprehensive about new, difficult, and demanding tasks and thus
, don’t want to spare any effort to have a better situation. Although
they can solve the given task in a radical way, they still follow the old path and comply with conventional principles as they are afraid to adjust.
On the other hand
, the general public believes that failure teaches success and I’m on the same page with those. It is concrete evidence to us that we are living in the modern era in which there is no shortage of individuals who are determined enough to strive for a more desirable life
. Without trying and improving such
situations
, inventions such
as light bulbs, electricity, computers, or the Internet would have never been devised. Although
the inventors had failed dramatically, they still made real efforts to accomplish inventions. Besides
, they can discover their abilities and improve their skills. Thus
, moving up in life
functions as a mechanism for evolution when we meet rough situations
.
To sum up
, although
there are always exceptions, we can not deny that making changes sometimes has quite dangerous consequences. What actually matters is the fact that people
should consider carefully prior to making changes.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and presents both views clearly. However, your personal opinion could be integrated more seamlessly throughout the essay rather than just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Try to use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention particular historical figures or studies that illustrate how taking risks led to significant advancements.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, some of your sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For example, 'I see eye to eye with those {good}...' could be written more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis. This will help improve the coherence and logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and states your own opinion, which is good.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
You recognize that there are both advantages and disadvantages to each viewpoint, showing a balanced approach.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example