⚪️ People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays
people
are watching entertainment media by themself without any company,in my opinion watching tv and films with others,specaily
with family and friends is more fun and creates a strong bond with your loved one, because you share experience and memory with each Correct your spelling
especially
specially
others
. In Change to a singular noun
other
this
essay, I will discuss the advantage
and Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
disadvantage
of watching television alone.
Some Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
people
think it is a good thing to enjoy your company and watch media like movies by yourself,but I think the opposite,it should be an activity that helps you to gather with people
.It makes it easy to open a conversation or discussion after finshing
a movie and share your thoughts and emotions.
Correct your spelling
finishing
For example
, I have unforgettable memory
of watching Fix the agreement mistake
memories
cinema
with my sistersCorrect article usage
the cinema
,
and discussing the film at bedtime.
Remove the comma
apply
On the other hand
, when it comes to the disadvantage of watching shows by yourself,many young people
are becoming addictided
to watching movies and TV,and avoid interacting with Correct your spelling
addicted
people
, it has become a way of escapism,
and will make them more isolated from Remove the comma
apply
sociaity
and effect there social skills.
Correct your spelling
society
sociality
For instance
, in japan
there is a social issue among some Japanese youth, who choose to stay in their rooms and watch anime all day, they do not pursue high education or career,and that Capitalize word
Japan
lead
to mental illness like Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
deperation
.
Correct your spelling
depression
Overall
, we humans are social creatures and watching movies together increase
our Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
happeniss
and creates emotional bonds with our loved ones,and in my Correct your spelling
happiness
opinion
it is better to do Add a comma
opinion,
this
activity with others to fight loneliness and boredem
Correct your spelling
boredom
,
and have Remove the comma
apply
fun
time with your group.Add an article
a fun
Submitted by neamaabdo90 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay showed an attempt to structure the arguments; however, a clearer logical flow was needed. Paragraphs should be more thoroughly developed with distinct main ideas and supporting sentences that corroborate them. Transitions between sentences and ideas should be natural and help the reader to understand the progression of your points.
task achievement
You have touched upon the topic and provided some relevant examples, yet the response requires more depth in analyzing both the advantages and disadvantages relatively and impartially. Your personal opinion is clear, but to achieve a higher score, it is crucial to equally address both sides of the argument as the prompt requires, and develop those ideas thoroughly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.