IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present day, it is the fact that supporting all of the
people
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 in many parts of the
world
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 is not simple. But most
people
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 claim that governments should help more difficult
people
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 and it is pretty needy in
this
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 changing
world
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.
Firstly
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, Helping
people
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 in other
countries
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 can aid in creating a relationship between us country and the galling country and from that we can build a federal to serve some purposes. We can see that there are a lot of disputes about land, economy, and culture, and there can be many reasons to tend to war.
For example
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, America and Russia are two of the biggest
countries
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 in the
world
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 and the two
countries
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 below have some opposing views. For many reasons, they made a war which name is Cool War. Despite having many opposites, they have a common point
that is
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 they have an organization to aid them.
Hence
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, their position will not be damaged so much.
Besides
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, supporting
people
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 in other
countries
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 will raise relationships and
people
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 will have more benefits in
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 and education.
For instance
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, some
people
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 who live in Vietnam, when they visit some
countries
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such
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 as Thailand, Singapore, and Laos, will be exempted from visas for a
while
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.
On the other hand
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, assisting
people
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 in the
world
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 can make many
people
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 not be hungry, exiting the poor, and improve their life’s quality. In some
countries
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 in Africa,
people
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 in here very poor, children cannot study in school and are not provided any subsidies. Knowing
this
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, America and many wealthy
countries
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 have aided them and supported children can go to school. If we look
in
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into
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 the future, we will see that the poor who helped can be a part of
labor
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labour
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 to work for host
countries
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. In conclusion, the government should help foreigners in many parts of the
world
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by
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with
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 any solution, and that can provide a lot of advantages for
people
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 in helped
countries
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 and host
countries
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.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction explicitly states your opinion on the topic. The examiner needs to know your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Include specific examples and details in your body paragraphs that directly support your argument.
task achievement
Check the relevance of your examples. Make sure they clearly connect to the main idea of each paragraph to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
The conclusion should recap your main points and reiterate your opinion. Ensure your stance is clear and consistent throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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